Origins

So "United States of Whatever" apparently was a real fake song before it was a parody.

If we watched television, we would have seen this four years ago.

Flower Futures

I got to remembering this dotcom-era Guy Noir sketch from about ten years ago, and thankfully it's still archived, albeit in dialup-friendly 9Kbps. This is the type of brilliance Cleese would likely produce if he were on Xanax. The fun stuff begins at 4:10.

Gerald Ford

From Chevy Chase falling all over himself to this gem from Dana Carvey - the former prez was always one of SNL's prime targets. People are saying a lot of nice things about the guy this week, but if there's anything I think people should remember about Ford, it's that he could always take a joke.

Lighten Up, Francis

While it may end up making no difference in real-life usage, the fun-meisters over at Adobe® have decided to lay down the law when it comes to the lingo:

Trademarks are not verbs.
  CORRECT: The image was enhanced using Adobe® Photoshop® software.
  INCORRECT: The image was photoshopped.

Trademarks are not nouns.
  CORRECT: The image pokes fun at the Senator.
  INCORRECT: The photoshop pokes fun at the Senator.

So the next time you come across that picture of the domo-kuns chasing the kitten, make sure they call it what they're supposed to, eh?

Double-checking that Amazon order

Linked is a picture of an Amazon UK warehouse at Christmas. Make sure you know what you're getting via One-Click; something tells me that if you're not careful, you could wind up with the Ark of the Covenant.

Actually, they probably have more than one. It ships free, and you get 10% off with a coupon code.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas 2: Grinch Harder

Merry Christmas, everybody!

Silent Night

Said the little lamb to the shepherd boy ..do you hear what I hear?

The Mountain Dew Christmas Tree

I think my favorite part of this is the little blurb twoards the middle that sounds sorta like the sellers are checking to make sure that potential bidders are sober enough to realize exactly what they are getting themselves into:

"You are bidding on a tree made of Mountain Dew cans and other hardware accessories. This tree is not just any tree though and the parts are not any parts. The 'Dew Tree' possesses majestic powers that bring joy and happiness to anyone around it. We are proud to have created it."

All I know is that's a buttload of Dew empties.

Can you imagine just how hopped up the dudes
who built this thing must be at any given moment?

Remote Control Farting Santa

What Scrooge over in marketing went and discontinued a genius product like this!?

I mean come on, it's got a wireless remote -- the possibilities for inter-office or family get-together comedy with this thing are virtually endless!

     *sigh* Maybe on Ebay

Christmas Is Interesting

Someday we'll stop pimping Jonathan Coulton here, but that day has not yet arrived. I got to see him live last week with the hyper-talented Paul and Storm. These guys also had the most geek cred of any band I've seen: to determine the winner of a drawing for their CD, they rolled two 20-sided dice.

Wile E. Coyote's Mini

So the Mini Cooper marketing folk have been gluing the cars to the sides of buildings, sending them up attached to ski lifts, and the like.

Most of these ads are pretty cute, but do you really want people thinking that your vehicle was made by Acme?

Santa Claus - Steady Mobbin'

With so many websites, sketch troupes, and popular television shows around these days, it's easy for a joke to get played out. And that's exactly the feeling I had when I first started to check out yet another clip featuring Santa Claus as a womanizing drug trafficker who secretly hates kids. And for the first couple of moments, my suspicions seemed to hold up.

But there's something about the sequence where Santa is furiously declining MySpace friend requests from smiling little children that broke the ice all around my grinch heart and had me giggling out loud despite myself.

This film comes from the crazies over at Black20, the same people responsible for "The Easter Bunny Hates You" and the recently featured "Public Service Announcement." They have plenty more videos to enjoy, so if you have the chance and some holiday vacation time to burn, you should definitely check them out.

The Leg Lamp

Ah, A Christmas Story. That cute little 1983 film that wormed it's way into our hearts with it's classic storyline and dark-hearted humor about shooting your eye out and what happens when you accept a triple dog dare.

Unfortunatley, as beloved as this little film is, it's having a hard time keeping it's dignity intact here in our modern media-crazed world. Take for example the way cable television networks TNT and TCN mercilessly replay the movie over and over during the holiday season, stripping it of it's cuteness through repitition to the point where even the sight of those cute kids scampering around in snow clothes is enough to make you puke.

Then of course there's the all too true stories about child actor Scotty Schwartz, who co-starrted in the film as the loveable "Flick" (the kid who had to accept the triple dog dare and got his tongue stuck the the flagpole) who would eventually grow up to pursue a career as a porn star.

And if that wasn't enough, the current Wikipedia entry about the movie features a large and rather unexpected photograph of a young couple having sex on the floor at a party (chances are this will be discovered quickly and dissapear -- but trust me, it was there)

Is there nothing about this movie that can survive without scorn?

The answer is probably not, but there is one company in San Diego that's doing it's best to try. All season long they've been busy making, advertising and selling the movie's most underrated prop -- the infamous Leg Lamp



Now it's not everyone on your christmas list who's gonna want one of these, but believe me, if you do decide to pony up and get one for someone -- it will be a gift that they will always, always treasure

Until their wife "accidentally" breaks it.

Public Service Announcement

Your Supermodel Moment of the Day

I don't know what Victoria's secret is,

but I'm starting to get a bad feeling
about where she might be keeping it.

Signs of the Week

Signs
signs

everywhere there's signs

Blockin' up the scenery
breakin' my mind

Do this,
don't do that

Can't you read the sign?

Death by Caffeine

Have you ever been drinking coffee or soda to wake yourself up in the morning and you get to that point where you can tell the caffeine is getting to you?

Sometimes when that happens to me I'll find myself staring at the mug and saying "This stuff is going to be the death of me."

I always thought of it as just a saying, but perhaps there's more to it than that -- which is where this handy dandy little doodad comes in. Simply select your favorite energy drink, soda, or coffee style, and then using your body weight it quickly calculates just how many drinks of that type it would take to kill you.

According to the site, 155 cups of coffee would do me in.

What it doesn't say is if I have to drink them in a row, or if the effect is cumulative -- which is an important distinction, because if it is:

I'm living on borrowed time.

(Feel free to post your own death numbers in the comments!)

The Pessimist's Mug

Looking for the perfect holiday gift for the killjoy in your life?

This just might be it.

Patrick Swayze Christmas

Not Starring.com

*Audrey Hepburn declined the lead role in "The Sound of Music"
*Robert De Niro was considered to play Hannibal Lecter
*Sean Connery turned down the role of Gandalf
*Johnny Depp passed on the chance to play Lestat
*The Wachowski Brothers wanted Will Smith to play Neo
*Val Kilmer declined offers to play Neo and Morpheus in "The Matrix"

If you're the type who lives for movie geekery, then one site you definitely need to check out is notstarring.com -- an ever-growing compendium of actors and roles that almost connected, but never did.

From well-documented almost castings (Tom Selleck was the original choice to play Indiana Jones) to the little-known plans, obscure ideas, and just plain wacky daydreams of Hollywood's casting directors (Nicholas Cage as Willy Wonka? Nick Nolte as Han Solo? Ashton Kutcher as Superman!?) -- it's all here.

Enjoy!

Christopher Walken's Twelve Days of Christmas

"The partridge, the pear tree. I trust both have arrived safely on this First Day of Christmas.

The partridge, unfortunately, required mounting for shipping. Taxidermy. I had to strangle the poor bird with my own two hands. Sometimes small cruelties must be tolerated for the greater holiday good — in this case, pears."

The Johnny Reb Cannon

Forget the idea of a toy marketed straight to David Duke in his childhood. Forget the fact that it's a cannon that shot hard plastic ordnance 35 feet. What really dates this 1950s commercial is the brand tagline "Every boy wants a Remco toy. And so do girls."

What is Going On With the Swiss Army?

Holy crap -- Do you see this?

The latest Swiss Army Knife features 85 devices to make even Batman's utility belt jealous.

It's got a tire gauge, a cigar cutter, a flashlight -- there's even a laser pointer on there!

But worst of all, you just know that as advanced as this thing is, it's still equipped with those useless tweezers and that toothpick-ish thing that always ended up getting lost.

Man, I hated those!

How to Turn Your Pee Blue

I think my favorite part of the explanation for how to accomplish this trick is the line where is says that you don't have to catch syphilis in order for it to work.

Still, what a prank -- and just in time for Christmas party season too!

(Link via The Kaiser -- who you know has probably already tried it)

DVD Dinner Conversations

So if you're dining singly, and must have a dinner conversation, some Dutch artists have just what you need: a dining partner on DVD.

What's pathetic is that I am the target market.

Tablebot

Yes, this is a video of a table. I just watched it six times.

Hell of Sand

Somebody help me, I can't stop messing with this thing!

Opera at the Cineplex

The Metropolitan Opera is screening abridged versions of its operas at select movie theaters for $18. Although tickets to live operas at the Met are pretty much impossible to get, and typically cost hundreds, the fan base for the art form is actually dying, making this a smart move. The kickoff feature is Julie Taymor's The Magic Flute, and if you've seen anything she's ever done on stage, you know it will rock.

$18 may seem like a lot for a movie, but it should keep most cellphone louts out, and you don't have to wear a tux.

My Little Cthulhu

How cool is this?

Hot Chicks With Douchebags.com

We've all seen it. We've all wondered what the deal is. We've all come up with our own weak attempts at a justification

"He must be really rich"
"She must be really stupid."
"Girls always go for the jerks"
"Scientology is a hell of a drug"

But none of these offerings give you the explanation that you really want.

Unfortunately, this site doesn't help either, instead providing readers with photo captions that feel a lot like sharing a cab with a group of people who are so engrossed in their own conversation they don't have the time to explain it to anyone else.

That being said -- the photos are gold.

An equally unhelpful FAQ page is provided by the siteowner -- offering answers to all of your important douchbag-related inquiries, like this one:

Q: What inspired you to create this site?
A: Your moms.

..Douchebag

Casket Salesmen

Saw these guys in front of 20 people in Jersey on Saturday night, and they were playing way beyond the room. This single and smart little lo-fi video are the tip of the iceberg. If you get a chance, go see 'em live. Plus, how can you not love a bunch of guys who live for Grease Trucks and video games?

How It Should Have Ended.com

Movies -- They just don't live in the same world as the rest of us, do they?

I mean sure, building suspense and creating events that lead viewers up to some huge climactic moment helps to sell tickets -- but everyone knows the feeling of walking out of a theater and thinking, "It would have never happened that way in real life ...what a total crock!"

That's where this site comes in. Check out the archive page to see what you've been wanting all along -- Real endings to some of Hollywood's biggest blockbusters.

Not only do these smart little animations satisfy your desire for closure, but in some instances they can actually save you time and money by ending the need for costly and frequently dissapointing serials

Like these, for example.

Adam's World

Adam Bernard is a freelance writer based in Fairfield, Connecticut. His work ranges from record reviews and opinion pieces to interviews with nationally known actors from television programs such as Entourage and The O.C. as well as numerous musical artists including 50 Cent and Paul Oakenfold for publications like Soak, XXL, and The Source Magazine.

If that weren't enough, he hosts a regular radio show for the Fairfield College radio station and is slated to have his sixth cover story for a national magazine published later this month.

Clearly Bernard is a busy guy, but that doesn't keep him from regularly posting opinions, album reviews, interviews with up-and-coming talent, and whatever else strikes his fancy over at his personal website Adam's World.

Whether you're a fan of hip-hop, someone who knows the trials and tribulations that come with a freelance writing career, or just enjoy reading engaging and intelligent obeservations about this crazy world we live in -- you should definitely give this site a look.

Give Us Back New York

"In 1613, a Dutch settlement for trading was established on Lower Manhattan, named New Amsterdam after the glorious capital of Holland (Amsterdam, that is). Just a handful of years later, a Dutchie named Peter Minuit bought the rest of Manhattan. Those were the days all the way until 1664 when some British conquerers conquered the place and baptised it New York.

Being renamed "New York" after being called "New Amsterdam" can't be anything but a step down the status ladder. Seriously, where's York anyway? Godforsaken British town, compared to the glorious capital of Holland."

So begins the manifesto of an interesting little revolutionary movement who's goal is to reclaim the Big Apple to its rightful owners and re-re-name it "New Amsterdam." But more than that, these folks want to rescue the city from the mistreatments of its American owners and re-invigorate it with the sort of touches that make the original Amsterdam so great.

Among their suggested improvements for the city:

* Changing the nickname to "The Big Orange"
* Flooding several major streets to enable canal boat traffic
* Filling Central Park with Tulips
* Replacing all hot dog carts with vendors who sell herring
* Painting all the taxi cabs orange
* Requiring all naked cowboys to wear wooden shoes

It's amusing at first -- heck, maybe even something worth considering. But then after reading through the site for a while you start to wonder what the real reason behind all this "Amsterdam in America" hoopla might be

..And that's when you discover their plan for all the coffee shops.

Asking for it.

Airports are not the venue for being "sassy" or "playful" these days. A tag that says "Nothing worth stealing in here" tells the baggage handler "I'm an asshole. Please rifle through my stuff for the fun of it." When you get to baggage claim, it tells your fellow travelers "I'm an asshole. Please give me a dirty look to confirm."

A Saturday Anthem

Go have some fun tonight!

The OhMiBod

I'll take "Things I Do Not Want to See Bob Dylan Advertise" for $1000, Alex.

Anti-Monkey Butt Powder

There's a lot to love about this product, but my favorite aspect has to be this little gem from the handy-dandy customer FAQ page:

Q: Will this cure monkey butt?
A: No.

War on Terror: The Board Game

You're either with them or against them, or sometimes you're both!

President Ballsack

Tom Vilsack will not win the Democratic nomination for President, and it's not anything that James Carville can fix. The reason Carter was a one-termer? Middle-schoolers could make fun of his name, that's why. Same here.

This is what we at Highly Recommended call political humor. Stewart ain't got nothin' on us. CNN, here we come...

Owned

The Tree Bed

"That very night in Max's room a forest grew

and grew--

and grew until his ceiling hung with vines and the walls became the world all around."

There probably isn't an accurate way to describe just how cool I think this is, or just how many cheap pickup lines I would craft around it if I owned one.

But one thing's for certain -- if I can't afford the way cool "Where the Wild Things Are" Christmas stocking, there's probably no chance that I have even close to the necessary coinage it would take to get one of these.

Still -- what a way to dream, eh?

The Roller Toaster

I am Jack's potential fire hazard.

Monster Stockings

First and foremost: Want one, want one, want one.

But then you get a peek at that price tag and you're like "60 Bucks!?"

I mean, I guess they're using nice fabrics -- but really, what sort of gifts do people really get in their stockings? Gift certificates? Matchbox cars? ..Nothing?

Oh yeah, let me roll up to the curb in my jet car and see if I've got any change in my solid-gold wallet.

Still a pretty cool idea, though.

Laid Off: A Day in the Life

To be perfectly honest, Odd Todd was a lot funnier to me when I had a job.

Nowadays it hits a little too close to home, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't take a moment to enjoy what he does.

Set in those halcyon days after the dotcom crash, "Laid Off" shows you exactly what it's like when the calls stop coming.

Of course these toons have been around a while so there's a good chance you might have already seen them -- but just like fudge stripe cookies and pringles it's a good thing, because you never really know when you'll need them the most.

What Does She Want for Christmas This Year?

Oh I think you know.

The Star Wars Christmas Album

The holidays are upon us again bringing tidings of good cheer, christmas cards from friends, and endless piles of bad marketing ideas that flame out so hard they could help guide Santa's sleigh through even the foggiest of Christmas eves.

Take for example this misguided collection of songs celebrating the holiday spirit through the eyes of a protocol droid.

It's a bad idea from the start (as all attempts to combine the words 'Star Wars' and 'Christmas' tend to be), but on top of everything else there's something especially creepy about the combination of lounge piano music with the sound of Anthony Daniels' lilting robot vocals -- almost as if you're caught at an office christmas party with a C3P0 who has perhaps has downed one too many mimosas and is motioning for you to come join him under the mistletoe.

..and we all remember what happened to the
last guy who went there with him, don't we?

Wife Force One

Ever notice that Harrison Ford seems to make the same movie over and over?

The Game

Awww man, I lost!

Date Night in Nerdtown

I don't know - something about this is sorta cute and makes me wish I had thought of it first. But then after a while all you feel is this incredible urge to punch the people involved.

That being said, the word "Superpeep" will probably end up being a part of my vocabulary forever.

Enjoy!

America's Top Colleges: The 2006 Power Rankings

Here's one for all the parents out there -- College Humor's rundown of the Top 50 Colleges in the country. The rankings are based on a point system that tabulates the percentage of students that are female, the drug interest at the particular campus, the hours the bars close, and whether they give out free condoms or not.

And while I am simply aghast at my alma mater's poor showing in a listing such as this (where you'd think they'd clean up), I couldn't help but feel really bad for the kids over at Duke, who somehow didn't show up on the list at all.

I mean you'd think with all the effort the lacrosse team put in they'd get some run, but I guess that's what happens when you have a weak non-conference schedule, eh?

Anyways.. College.

Here's to it.

The YES Nation

Here's a neat little doo-dad that shows you in real time what songs are currently playing at various radios stations across the United States right now.

At the same time -- neat as this is to look at, what good is it supposed to do anyone? I mean, do they expect people to look at this site and say, "Oh crap, I'm missing a good song that's playing.. in Idaho?"

Way to kick radio when it's down, Internet!

Ms. Dewey

The first impression I got when I came across this interactive search engine was that it seemed like something Tom Cruise should have been talking to on the set of Minority Report. But further investigation revealed a neat little toy that not only finds information on the web, but has some fun with you along the way.

Ms. Dewey is the search engine that talks back to you, jokes around, and gets mad if you don't type anything into it for a while (try it and see). There seems to be no end to the preprogrammed responses she has for your search queries, and they all seem to be filled with a winking, flirty sense of humor that's easy to get addicted to.

Unfortunatley like all talking web widgets, the joke starts to wears thin once you start getting duplicate responses -- leaving you with what is essentially a sexier version of Bonzi Buddy.

Or at least, that's what I was starting to think until I asked her to do a search for Flava Flav.

..Yeah, I'm in love.

TAK Pushpins

Like it or not, the holiday season is upon us. What this means is that unless you're a shopping mall or a redneck, you'll soon have to deal with the annual house of horrors that is putting up christmas lights.

For those of you who might be thinking on a smaller scale -- like adorning a cubicle or an apartment window, these little beauties might just be the answer you've been looking for.

The Drivemocion

A lot of vehicles these days are equipped with bluetooth technology -- which I personally think is a good thing because I've always found it frustrating that I couldn't open financial spreadsheets with my car.

..idiots.

Why can't someone integrate the really important technological advances of the day into an automobile?

You know, like this.

Dennis The Menace

Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of Mr. Wilson's life. His breakfast will taste better than any meal you and I have ever had.

Immortality

Video might have killed the radio star, but if there's one thing you can always count on -- it's the internet's ability to keep a joke from dying.

We're All There.

It may not be any good (doubtful), but just get used to the fact that the entire planet will be going to the movies next Summer, to see this.

Make My People Sing

Looking for a quick way to bring your workplace to a screeching halt?

This might just be the answer.

The Big Lebowski Magic Bowling Ball

Rug-peers did not do this.

Getting our act together

Thanks to Hex, this site is now a bit more with the times. Comments should be working now, too, so please have at. We're also on course for another record month; don't look now, but we may have 1,000 unique visitors this month. Thanks for spreading the word!

Bad Libs

Oh you just gotta _(verb)_ madlibs. The simple "parts of speech" _(noun)_ that popped up at family parties or _(noun)_trips -- always bringing with it the possibility for that one "extra game" where you all all your _(group of people)_ couldn't help yourself from using _(dirty words)_ of all sorts and varieties to fill in all the blanks.

...or was that just me?

The trouble is, the stories you'd always find in those books were innocent and clean, in many ways nothing more than hapless victims to you and your inappropriate vocabulary skills.

If only there was a place where the stories themselves had a bad attitude..

Enter Bad Libs, a new take on the old favorite that offers users the chance to fill in some real blanks, if you know what I mean.

Whether you want to create the perfect breakup letter, dirty personal ad, sex columnist advice request, emo diary entry, or soul-bearing poem, Bad Libs has you covered. Plus, using the magic of patented In-ter-net™ technology - your Bad Lib can be instantly added to blog posts or MySpace bulletins so that they can be easily shared with all your adoring fans.

And really, isn't that what _(noun)_ is all about?

The Informed and Eye-Rolling Electorate

Rather than just supporting a political party blindly, learning a little something about the people you're electing can help when you hit the voting booths today. The mere fact that you're voting is inexplicably optimistic--good on you for thinking that things can get better rather than worse (I'm with you)--but at least you'll be able to say you did your homework rather than Christmas treeing the bitch.

That's where The League of Women Voters comes in. This non-partisan group asks each candidate questions about actual issues. I know blogs, the National Enquirer, and CNN are more entertaining sources of politico-tainment, but this way you can actually compare candidate answers yourself to make an informed decision. Crazy, no?

Having said all that, the unfiltered answers candidates give make it clear why so many of them rely on speechwriters, image-polishers, spokespeople, and other minions to make what they say palatable to more than say...themselves.

Here are actual answers from this year's candidates for office in New York. Maybe it's better where you are. I hope so.

"Besides my above-average academic and scholarly credentials, I have acquired some wisdom from copious reading."
--Donald Silberger

"I am active in defense of the Cuban Revolution, and participated in the 2005 anti-imperialist World Youth Festival in Caracas, Venezuela."
--Ben O'Shaughnessy

"I believe we are trying to achieve the right balance between security and civil rights. I have concerns, however it will take actual evidence of abuses under various laws such as the Patriot Act before I would be ready to alter them or abandon them."
--Italo A. Zanzi
(You mean besides the warrantless wiretapping thing?)

"He knows what it takes to create jobs and he how the real world works + experience that is needed in Washington."
--Jack Davis
(Dude, you're running for Congress--proofread!)

Then there's Christopher M. Srock...

Occupation: Full-time cook at Intercommunity Memorial Hospital
In 1998 I graduate with Honors from Newfane High School
I have run for town council and county legislature seats in 1999 and 2001 respectively
Both campaigns were issued based: winning the primary for councilman and losing the general elections
These losses raised issues that were addressed and helped everyone
(Except me. I lost...)

Run Satorical Run

As some of you might already know, our boy Satorical is running in the New York Marathon today. All told that means 26 miles through the streets of the city, all ending up with the big finish in Central Park.

This is no easy feat to accomplish, and it's doubly special seeing as this is his first attempt at it ever. So if you get a moment - make sure to leave well wishes and congrats for the man who started this site all those eons ago.

Great Job, Bro!!

Gents, a little travelling music if you please!

The Art of the Saber

I wasn't able to sneak this one in during the "star wars day" thing that sort of unintentionally happened yesterday, but it's far too good to not post.

Set to the music of Denez Prigent, this film is one of the best homemade offerings I've ever seen. With text taken directly from an authentic Civil War love letter and fight choreography rivaling the best Hollywood could offer, it's the sort of thing I find myself watching over and over again.

Enjoy!

Ayiti

Ever wondered what it's like to be Haitian? Here's your chance.

Jedi Recruitment at Grand Central

We're feeling Star Wars today here at Highly Recommended. Here's news of some event marketing for Cinemax' showing of the Star Wars movies in HD. Apparently they'll have kung fu guys with lightsabers at Grand Central Station tomorrow.

I'd bet real money that at some point during rush hour you'll hear "Yo Anakin, get the fuck outta the way!"

Darth Bundy

Your first wife didn't support your career choices -- which really ticked you off seeing as you were just trying to help her out. Then she died, which was hard to get over -- but with time comes healing, and with eHarmony.com comes the opportunity for a second chance at love.

But then two years later it's "take the trash out this" and "we never go anywhere nice for dinner anymore that"

There's only so much one sith can take, you know?

The John Hughes Jukebox

Here's a nice bit of retro cool, a webpage featuring scads of free downloadable music from every movie John Hughes ever made. You won't find every song from every soundtrack, but there are loads of hard to find and out-of-print titles to choose from.

The coolest aspect of the whole thing for me is the fact that many of these tunes were used as background music for incidental moments in the films (chase scenes, visual montages, driving sequences), and as such never found a place on the original soundtrack albums.

Whatever the case, there's plenty of source material here to create fun little playlists with -- all without having to endure Molly Ringwald's incessant whining about how unbearable her life is.

And only a neo maxi zum dweebie
would pass up a chance like that.

The Death of the Pink Flamingo

Kind of a shame, really.

Dave Gorman's Important Astrology Experiment

UK TV show from 2002 in which a guy follows his horoscopes for 40 days. The setup takes a while to get going, but it's worth it. The series runs three hours total; I chewed through it in one sitting.

Stiff

"The human head is of the same approximate size and weight as a roaster chicken."

The book is subtitled "The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers." Get it now so you'll be full of fascinating facts during Thanksgiving dinner.

Best Fight Scene Ever

To help you ramp up for the first leg of your five-day texas death match with the work week, take a look at this gem from Undefeatable, yet another in a line of unintentionally hilarious films starring Cynthia Rothrock (seen here as the one-armed master of towel-fu).


(it gets a little graphic and there's lots of shouting, so if you're at the office it's probably best to turn it down a little.)

I swear, every time you think it's starting to wear thin, this clip surprises you by getting even better. In fact, the only thing I think that could possibly improve this scene at all would be for mullet dude to tell the Van-Dammish guy he is his father.

"We'll keep an eye out for you, Stingray!"

Clock

Even though it seems like theres no way Flava Flav could wear it around his neck -- I love stuff like this.

Hairy Mail

When you care enough to send the bear-y best.

The Girls Costume Warehouse

Looking for a place to find that last-second costume? Why don't you head over to the lovely streets of Hackensack, New Jersey and let this pleasant older gentleman help you out.

.

(nsfw -- but fuhgettaboutit, I know a guy!)

RainbowPuke.com

Finally, a site that offers clear answers to anyone who ever wondered why being somewhere over the rainbow is always better than being directly underneath one.

The Nutty Buddy

Ever wonder what pro ballplayers buy with all that money?

Play the video to find out.

Your New Favorite Song

Stop me if you've heard this one:

Three scientists went to the jungle in search of rare butterflies. After a long day they made camp near a river, but while they were sleeping a tribe captured them and put them in a tent. After a while the tribe's cheif enters the tent, walks up to the first scientist and says,

"Death or Unga Bunga?"

The Mark Foley Action Figure

"Meet The Press" action playset sold separately.

Giant Steps

I can't think of a better way to start a morning.

The Cylon Jack-o-Lantern

They were created by man. They evolved. They rebelled. There are many copies. And they have a ..plan?

'Tis the Season

Foamy. Halloween. F Bombs. Gimme some candy.

(nsfw, unless you're working on the set of a Scorsese film).

The Forbidden Crypts of Haunted Music

Wow, talk about a labor of love. A page completely filled to the brim with the weirdness that is the novelty LP. The fact that the page is dedicated largely to Halloween music makes it a timely find, but what I truly love about this is the care the webmaster has put in.

More than just a collection of retro album cover photos -- almost every picture links to a page where you can listen to the individual songs on the album at your lesiure -- In short, this guy has painstakingly digitized his record collection and made it all available for free.

If you have the time and you're looking for tracks to soup up your next Halloween party, dig around in here. Outside of more wacky titles like "Sing Along with Drac" and "At Home With The Munsters," you'll find collections of theme songs from classic horror fare like "Dark Shadows" as well as some truly fun songs from the likes of Rob Zombie, Spike Jones, The Reverend Horton Heat, Southern Culture on the Skids, and Rocket From the Crypt.

Enjoy!

Watching Paint Peel

Actually, this is before that.

Knowing is Half the Battle

..But it doesn't make it any less creepy.

I Love the Yeti

Remember, it's ok to "love" the Yeti, as long as you're not "in love" with the Yeti.

Tasteful Advertising

NewsCorp purchased MySpace a little while back, so you had to expect some more ads would crop up.

I lay this one squarely at the feet of Rupert Murdoch.

OK - Aren't You Gone Yet?

All right OK Go, I'll admit it -- it is a pretty cool video. It's the kind of clip that makes people remember why they liked music videos in the first place. Unfortunatley for you, the video is waaay more memorable than the song itself, which means regardless of your actual potential as a band, MTV's invisible stopwatch has been started and your 15 minutes is quickly ticking away.

Here's the latest 51 seconds to fall.

Euro Disney

(If anyone looks at your screen more than casually, this is NSFW)

"Granddad, why did we invade France?"
"Well boy, our government was led by crazy people then. Some regarded France, with its love of peace, art, and non-microwaved food, to be suspicious and threatening. When the Euro Disney tape went on the Internet, well, that was the last straw."
"So how come the other countries let us get away with it?"
"Well, the British and the Germans hated the French too. Now finish your hamburger and Freedom Within Reason Fries."

Tiny Dinosaur Theory.org

Science that makes sense.

Broadviewgraphics

Retro cool art, clothing, and such.

Pin-up art is always fun, but one of my favorite things about this site are the series of prints made up to look like the covers of old 50's pulp detective novels -- in this case featuring mysteries to be solved by ace detective *snicker snicker* Dick Harden.

Ribaldry aside, there's some very cool stuff here from a very talented artist, and if nothing else the background music is groovy with a capital wowie zow zow.

You're Going to Make it To The Weekend

You've been working with these jerks all week. Sure on Monday you were able to put a happy face and be all Code Monkey about it, but here it is only Thursday morning and you're starting to get the feeling you'll never be rid of them.

If only there was a way to express your anger, you know?



Don't even try to front -- You'll be doing this by lunchtime.

The Q-Unit

A few years back producer/DJ Dangermouse (probably best known these days for his work with Gnarls Barkley) released "The Grey Album" - a unique (and exceptionally cool) mash-up using vocals from Jay-Z's "The Black Album" combined with samples taken exclusively (and unfortunately without permission) from "The White Album" by The Beatles.

And while the idea of mash-ups has been popular ever since, very few albums in that style have found their way to any kind of prominence (probably because most attempts to mix one artists vocal stylings with another's music ranges from the crappy to the downright laughable).

Or at least it seemed that way until The Silence Xperiment came up with Q-Unit -- which mixes the arena rock stylings of Queen with thug rhymes from 50 Cent.

It takes some getting used to and it's definitely not for everyone, but it's a combination that seems to work better than most. Best of all, everything's available free for download from the site for you to check out to your hearts content.

Enjoy!

(Mad love to the Monster for the link)

Bad Brains at CBGB's

By the time you read this the it will most likely be sold out (tickets were still available this morning), but tonight marks the last hardcore/punk show ever to be held at CBGB's.

Opened in 1972, CBGB's was originally intended to feature country and bluegrass acts, but instead became a launching pad for some of the biggest names in American punk rock. After 34 years of original music performances from both known and unsigned acts, the club will be closing the doors on the 315 Bowery location at the end of this month. Shows will continue to the end of the week, culminating Sunday night with a sold-out performance by Patti Smith.

Despite rumors that the club will be re-opening somewhere else in the city (or possibly Las Vegas), it will be a shame to see the place go.

That being said, I can't think of a better way to see things off than with a performance by legendary reggae/punk rockers Bad Brains (who just happen to be one of my all-time favorite bands).

Here's a little sample of what we'll be missing:

Metal by Numbers

Scathingly on-target song explaining exactly what's missing from today's so-called "metal bands" sung by the balding old guy you're always surprised to see hanging out at rock and roll shows.

No not me, the other one -- Brian Posehn

The mosh pit scene alone makes this worth watching, but there's plenty of other fun to be had in the form of in-jokes and parodies of some of metals biggest names and cliches.

I'd love to stay and point them
out, but I gotta walk the dogs.

Being A Loser, To Win

We've recommended the freakshow that is competitive eating before, but that was for "normal" foods like hotdogs. Here we have people competing to see who could eat the most jalapeno peppers.

The problem with this type of contest is that everyone loses, especially those in the audience.

Making Stuff Up

This was too good to keep to myself. Here follows Hex's review of Final Fantasy VII.

--

I rented "Final Fantasy VII" on a lark the other day. The animation is stunning. I couldn't even begin to tell you what the plot is, but it's worth a look.

What was fun for me was that the more lost I got in the plot, the more I decided to make my own story up. So if you're interested here's a quick summation of what I decided the story was about:

Members of the emo rock band HIM battle against what appears to be various members of the A-Team, characters from the videogame Street Fighter, and possibly one or two of the guys in Poison for control over the visualization effects that come free when you download the Winamp media player. Then there's some boss motorcycle chases leading up to a battle with a giant monster that sort of looks like the villian from the SAW horror films.

There are also wolves and what look to be pokemon characters, but I haven't figured that part out yet.

--

I think this is a good time to remind people that Hex is actively seeking employment. Although AdSense would probably make both Hex and me instant millionaires, it would also crappify the blog, so that ain't happenin'. So if you've got an opening for a gig, let the man know via the profile link on the upper right side of the page.

Dissing Lorne Greene

Sure, I like the show too - but c'mon, what did Ben Cartwright ever do to deserve treatment like this?

Starts out fun and then (as you fully expect) it turns into a commercial. Such is the world wide widget these days, but it was either this or "My Pussy is Magic" (nsfw) - and believe me, I did you a favor not putting that one up on your screen.

Turkish Wizard of Oz

If they can do it in Bollywood, they can do it in Turkey. Keep your eyes peeled for the Wicked Witch of the West, who looks like Witchie-Poo with jaundice, rocking a coned hat she decorated while in her Van Halen phase.

Thriller

* In the third century B.C. the Greek philosopher Chrysippus died of laughter after giving his donkey wine, then seeing it attempt to feed on figs.

* It is cited that the Burmese king Nandabayin, in 1599 laughed to death when informed, by a visiting Italian merchant, that Venice was "a free state without a king".

* In 1660, the Scottish aristocrat, polymath and first translator of Rabelais into English, Thomas Urquhart, is said to have died laughing upon hearing that Charles II had taken the throne.

* In 1782, a certain Mrs Fitzherbert is reported to have suffered from an attack of hilarity while she attended a performance of the Beggar's Opera. When Charles Bannister appeared on scene as Peachum, she burst into an uncontrollable laugh so loud that she had to be expelled from the theatre. She laughed continuously all night long and the day after and died early the following day.

..Call 911.

Teleportation

Well, scientists can now beam information from one place to another. Whee. Wake me when this makes visiting Staten Island desirable.

I mean feasible. Sorry. Don't wanna get all science fiction there.

The Leia Hat

Only you could be sew bold.

The Lyrics Plugin

Cool little doodad you can download for Winamp or Windows Media Player that displays lyrics for whatever song you have playing at the moment. A really useful thing to have for those of us who normally subscribe to either of the two major schools of singing along with songs you like but don't know the words to:

The "something-something-something" school

"Come here girl
Go 'head be gone with it
something-something-something
Go 'head be gone with it..."

-or-

The "insert nonsensical gobbeldygook and hope no one notices" trick, which kind of looks like this:

Evil Dead: The Musical

Necronomicon-tastic!

I Have Seen the Face of God

...but now I sorta wish I hadn't

Code Monkey

Considering just how aggressively unemployed I have been lately, I find it sorta strange just how much entertained I am by this song. It's bouncy and happy and I'll probably be sick of it by tomorrow, but for right now it's three minutes of looking busy on a Monday, and even if it was forever ago I can still remember just how valuable that can be.

The Baby Toupee

Buyer beware -- These are not toupees. They are wigs.

See, a wig gives you a hairstyle you wouldn't normally have. Toupees on the other hand are a device used to conceal pattern baldness. Of course, once an infant starts to get insecure about their declining youth and looks they're libel to spend any amount of money on all sorts of snake oil type cures.

It's a shame, really.

So until this company wises up and starts making products like "The Burt Reynolds" or "The Shatner", you're probably better off sticking with that spray-on hair that's been um.. working so well for you lately (no really, you can hardly tell).

Cassette Generator

Have a few fictitious band names floating around in your head? Use this to publish their first cassette. Finally, punk geniuses Team Anarchy can go bigtime.

Find the Bands

The images within this picture represent the names of 74 different bands, ranging from classics like The Rolling Stones to more recent fare like the Scissor Sisters (yes, those are both hints).

From what I can tell the original Virgin Records contest has come and gone, but the challenge still exists for music nerds and bored workers everywhere to test their mettle against what might be one of the most fun marketing ideas to come across the pond in recent memory.

Feel free to post your answers in the comments section, but hurry -- I'm already about halfway through it myself!

When Collective Knowledge Isnt Enough

Every wonder what it's like to have Tourettes syndrome?

This cheap gag might help.

Tralala

Girl group from Brooklyn. Boys play the instruments. S'fun.

Bribery (CONTEST)

It looks like this is going to be the biggest month ever for Highly Recommended, with about 700 unique visitors to the blog. Whee!

Comments have been few and far between, however. That may be because the blog sucked, but I'd prefer to think our readership is a shy lot. It's easier on my ego that way.

ANYway, we are not above bribery to get what we want, so the person with the best comments over the next week will win my copy of the new Tom Warnick CD I've been raving about. "Best" will be determined solely by Hex and me, no appeals allowed, we are the law. Given the rate of comments right now, you could win with one zinger or profound statement. Quality counts over quantity, but five good comments could win out over one stellar one. That's for US to decide. Contest runs for one week, to end at 12:01am EST October 2nd. Get crackin', kids!

IMPORTANT: Please note all comments in THIS post, so that we don't have to hunt through 237 posts to find your gem. You can wait 'til the end of the week if you like, just make sure before 10/2 that you post ONE comment here noting where we need to look to find your comments.

Gamma Bros.

Robotron meets Galaxian. Free.

For those of you born after 1980, it's a mad old school shooter.

For the hipsters out there, it's a vintage retro game by an indie publisher. Also worthwhile on the indie tip: Stick Arena. Now for the hipsters: get off my blog.

Least Competent Criminals

This is late night TV show fodder, which is normally beneath us, but it's too good to pass up. Some doofus with a GTA tatt was arrested for attempted GTA. He blew his getaway by putting the car owner's club onto the steering wheel and locking it. Read that last sentence a hundred times and it still will not make sense.

Updates

This site is the zeitgeist, because there have been new developments regarding our three most recent posts.

WTC
Asked about how they feel about being tenants in the Freedom Tower, government employees say "Oh hell no."

Go
Go is apparently more of a challenge for artificial intelligence than chess.

Tom Warnick
Tom Warnick, whose new CD is well worth your $10, has had some serious health problems. He may well address them in detail on his site at some point. It's my understanding that he's mending, slowly, and we wish him the best of luck on a full recovery.

Painting Invisible Targets

Ok, so we're rebuilding the WTC site. Fine. Naming it the Freedom Tower is a bit over the top, but whatever. Thing is, when you announce that the federal government is going to be the anchor tenant, aren't you kinda asking for it--and not just from foreign terrorists, but homegrown nutjobs as well? The only way it could be more of a dare at this point is if they rented the remaining floors to the Society for Taking Away Charleton Heston's Guns and Drawing Cartoons About Islam.

Extra Added Bonus: The gummint has contracted to rent said space at about 50% above market value. F you, taxpayers.

Go

Having discovered Go at the tender age of 36, I'm now annoying all my friends with this ancient Japanese board game. The rules take a little while to learn, but it's playable to infinity. If you can master the little Java tutorial linked in this post's title, then you're ready to go out and get stomped by Go masters from around the world. This server seems a little easier to use than the Yahoo! Games behemoth.

May I See Some ID?

I've Highly Recommended Tom Warnick before, but oddly, he's not yet bigger than American Idol as promoted by a planet-wide integrated mobile gaming/free dental dam giveaway marketing campaign. This, in spite of lyrics on the first album like "In the Duane Reade of Despair, I am the Chief Clerk." For those outside the Mid-Atlantic, Duane Reade is a big pharmaceutical chain like CVS or Walgreen's. C'mon, how can you not love that?

BUT NOW, the band has a new album out. How's this for a description: They Might Be Giants, after three lifetimes of hangovers and gambling debts, forcing them to sell their electronics and kill one of the Johns.

That's a good thing. Go. Listen.

Mel Gibson Newsgame

Dated, wrong, and funny.

Also, sponsored by The Game Show Network?

Astronauts

Say what you will about the space program, but the people who actually fly in the shuttle and get the work done in outer space are awesome. They are low-key, hypercompetent, passionate geeks, like Jack Bauer on quaaludes.

The latest shuttle mission involved undoing about a hundred bolts while wearing spacesuits. One of the bolts was simply stuck, endangering installation of a $372 million truss and solar array. After two spacewalkers completely kept their cool ("Son of a gun" was the worst expletive used), they used a wrench and a cheat bar to get it unscrewed. When it was all over, one of the crew inside Atlantis said:

“Now there was much rejoicing.”


I find it comforting that the best working scientists in the nation are Monty Python fans.

Remembering

Ok, first of all, I probably should just cease posting altogether, seeing as how Hex's find of Shoes is the funniest goddamn thing I've seen in ages.

Be that as it may, back here in the all-too-real world we've been assaulted by flag-waving 9/11 jive nonstop this week. I saw Bush's helicopter arrive Monday on a helipad near work, then had to listen to happy marching bands the rest of the day. Jarring stuff, all.

One of the largely-forgotten tidbits of 9/11 is that Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson came out shortly after the attacks and laid the blame squarely at the feet of New York City. That's right, our godless ways caused the Almighty to send Osama's minions to kill a bunch of us.

It turns out, though, that he was taken out of context. I just discovered this clarification today.

Shoes

What'd you expect, con-dams?

(these cuss words are three hundred dollars -- nsfw, betch)

Justice

There are disadvantages to living in New York City. Worse than the risk of any violent crime, driving, psychotically expensive rents, or having your death be the constant subject of Osama's wet dreams, is the noise. Now, there are hardcore assholes, mostly trust fund party kids, who will tell you that if it's too loud for you to just move out of the city. The rest of us have day jobs, and the constant aural assault makes earplugs one of the first things you buy after moving to Noo Yawk. Some people even wear earplugs on the subway, because the less of your day you spend exposed to jetplane decibel-levels, the better. No foolin', this city is LOUD, and it simply does not stop at any hour, unless it's just snowed on a holiday weekend. Any other time is a pellmell of buses, garbage trucks, car alarms, Mister Softee trucks (fuckers), boom cars, car services ringing the "Brooklyn Doorbell" (car horns), and worst of all: shout-outs in the street. Shout-outs are annoying enough in the middle of the day, but when two people are having a conversation at top volume from different sides of the street at 3am, the most kindly thought you have is calling the cops. The rest of your thoughts involve bloodletting.

Enter this. I'm not suggesting you use stainless steel shot, but frozen blueberries delivered via slingshot and laser sighting are completely appropriate for use on drunkards who don't understand how to leave a bar or club quietly. If you want to party down and make some noise, pay a cover charge and hit the party hiz-ouse of your choice. Otherwise, you are fair game for some blueberry-flavored justice.

I am the law.

The Tetran

Frequently when I watch anime I get the distinct sensation that my life is somehow incomplete because I am unable to spontaneously produce metaphoric droplets of water on my forehead whenever I feel exasperated.

In fact, it seems downright unfair to me that only pixie-voiced, giant-eyed schoolchildren get the opportunity to mingle with the undead, fight aliens, and have sex with tentacle plants.

Not that The Tetran solves any of these problems, mind you -- but there's something positively Miyazaki-an about the prospect having a small, spiny, neon-colored orb hanging somewhere on your body waiting for a chance to fulfill it's life's wish of wrapping itself up in the cord for your iPod earbuds.

My advice is to get yours now before Gwen Stefani
buys them all up and starts writing songs about them.

MySpace for the Granny Games set

This is a social networking site for casual gamers. Having no pictures is a bonus when your target demographic is not quite as comely as the Facebook legions.

Albert Lee

Best Country AND Western you'll hear all day.

Props to N'Drew for the find.

All-Time Top 100 Stars at the Box Office

A while back there was a buzz going on in Hollywood about how the success of The Incredibles was sure to help Samuel L. Jackson finally surpass Harrison Ford as the top grossing box-office star of all-time. And while it's not hard to fathom either of those two men being that successful, I found myself curious as to where these so-called rankings were being kept.

Enter "The Numbers", a movie-industry site that keeps tabs on just about everything connected with the silver screen. Most of the site is dedicated to measuring which film did the best over a given holiday weekend, or who had the biggest opening day -- but if you dig a little deeper you'll find a handful of lists that tell some pretty interesting stories about Hollywood and the people who work in it.

For example, while it's true that Samuel L. Jackson's movies have generated more revenue than Harrison Ford's, that still doesn't make him #1. That honor is held by Frank Welker, whose box office totals over the course of his career cash in at over $4 billon.

For those of you who might not be familiar, Frank Welker is a voice actor who has been working in animation and film since the early 1960's. Probably most recognizable as the voice of Freddy from the Scooby Doo series, Welker has lent his talents to more than 500 television and film projects, making him more like an institution than a star.

Of course, herein lies the basic problem with the list - the idea that anyone associated with a given movie can be given individual credit for it's financial success (which not only accounts for the prominence of voice actors in the list, but also helps to explain the respective statuses of people like John Ratzenburger, Kenny Baker, and Clint Howard).

Bottom line -- next time you catch your kid making funny cartoon voices instead of doing their homework, don't get mad

Get them an agent.

What Right-Wingers See When They Read The New York Times

All the news that's fit to squint at, and then some.

The Sickipedia

In an age of collective wisdom and community thought, it's nice to know that people haven't forgotten that it's the little things that make life worth living.

For example -- deliciously tasteless jokes, organized by category.

An invaluable research aid to those of us who aren't Don Rickles, you'll never have to worry about confusing your Stevie Wonder and Hellen Keller jokes again.

"Cmon, people in the back!"

You know how Louis Armstrong could take any song and make it his own? This is like that, only not in a good way.

Reviewing Crap

The reviewer got far more than $20 of entertainment out of this craptacular MP4 player.

If Emo Ruled The World

Look for the Lego set.

martinamartina

My building must have a "nifty people only" clause, because everyone here is pretty darn spiffy. This is the website for one of my downstairs neighbors, who does a lot of work for gurl.com. I think her comic strips are especially good.

Lotte Reiniger

This German woman created the first full-length feature animated film, The Adventures of Prince Achmed, 11 years before Disney's Snow White. It's available through Netflix--check it out. Working for more than 50 years, she created more than 80 animated films, mostly fairytale or operatic adaptations, with articulated silhouette cutouts. Her detailed figures and backgrounds are truly impressive. Hunt her stuff down and experience some joy.

Mind-Blowing Math

In spite of the Bush Administration's War on Science, it's nice to see some people are still thinking the big thoughts. This is a proof of Poincare's Conjecture.

On second thought, everybody involved here is foreign. Sigh.

Freud Redesigns Gas Cap

Oh, sorry. That's Ford redesigns gas cap.

Heartfelt Political Debate

Joe Redner, Tampa strip club owner, gets a chair thrown at him after picking on a debate opponent's weight.

Boomerang (the object, not the e-mail service)

I pulled my boomerang down off the wall last night for the first time in years, and am really excited about throwing in the park. If you've never done it, I highly recommend it. There's something really satisfing and graceful about throwing a boomerang when done correctly. And if you screw up, chasing it is good exercise.

Remembering Board Games

So a new edition of Monopoly eschews paper money for a credit card for each player. Kids won't know the difference, and will probably wonder why the board is necessary in the first place--isn't this a video game too?

Adults will freak out, even though they're unlikely to have played the game in years, or to do so again in the future.

Wait, why did I post this?

My United States of Whateva

What do you mean this site is the last one to hear about this song?

Well how about this -- I say we're the first.

It's been decided.
- I'm the decider.

The Deuce, You Say

Now see, this bothers me. How did we get stuck with the animated bears and their cutesy smiles while England gets this?

ps - if you're not sure what all the fuss is about, perhaps you need some training.

Zidane, The Game

An inspired quickie newsgame.

Flame Wars

If there's one thing I love better than a good rant, it's seeing jerks shot down in flames. Here's a classic.

The Siren Festival

Hoping to see Art Brut. Also hoping to hit the freak show, if there's time. As Coney Island goes corporate a la Times Square, the longevity of the freakshow will be a big question mark.

Almost forgot: watermelon Italian ices on the boardwalk. Yum!

Helping Out

Ok, nothing funny or weird this time. This is a bit closer to home than our Katrina appeal last year. I know from personal contact that Bryan Holtzapple is a completely worthwhile human being. Please take a look at his site and donate if you can.

500pd. Rubberband Ball vs. Car

I'm guessing the car was already a goner before the experiment.

Minus

Much potential here. Like a female version of Calvin, through a filter of watercolored anime.

Ad Jamming

If you're a gamer, and want to skip the in-game ads served up by Massive Incorporated (even the name is ominous), the bottom of this page has code that will do so. Fight the Power.

Grendel

Dunno if tickets will be available to the hoi polloi, but I recommend anything Julie Taymor ever does. Note: watching the video linked on the upper right side of the page is good for college credit.

Update: tickets are still available, and unlike Taymor's Magic Flute last year, no obnoxious membership or season pass is required. I'm in the cheap seats on the last night of the show.

Belinda Bedekovic

1:29 in on the YouTube vid. Wait for it.

Extreme Ironing

It's one thing to have a silly blog. Not about to start throwing stones here. It's also one thing to run a marathon. I've got a spot in this year's NYC 26.2-miler on November 5th.

It is quite another thing entirely to have a silly blog detailing how someone ran a marathon with an ironing board and iron on his back.

I say this because upping the ante would require carrying a 40lb. bag of potting soil, a trellis, and a Garden Weasel. Although I'm sure Extreme Gardening (especially the full-contact version) awaits claiming by some fool, it ain't me.

Comments

Ok, we're stepping past the 90s and adding comments. Go nuts. Word verification is a pain, but it stops comment spam. Also, comment moderation is on. Don' be a troll, c'homes.

The Ex

Knife holder for those with issues.

Fascism is for Pussies

Terrorists and Virgins

War Over. We Win.

The Gund Gatt

Who you tryin' to get crazy with ese? Don't you know I'm loco?

Many Books You Have

Some days it's all you can do to get to work or class on time.

I mean lets face it, we all want to have fun and sneak out during the summer months, but sometimes you've just got to keep your mind on where you are, and what you're doing.

Playing Hooky.
Calling in sick.

..A Jedi Craves Not These Things

(Mad love to the Monster, who found it first)

Lil Jon Crunk Golf

"From skyscraper roof tops to Times Square, this golf is gangsta."

Seven years later, the question is still relevant: Should the US impose limits on incredibly stupid shit?

Diet Coke and Mentos

You've just got to love it when chemistry gets its show on.

However, much like the American government -- I feel as if these scientists have not yet given enough thought to the weapons potential inherent in this technology.

I mean let's face it -- Super Soakers are expensive.

Therefore, in the name of national security I propose that a massive testing session be held in the immediate future at a local pool, beach, or pub

Who's with me!?

Afterhours

Arena rock meets Radiohead, with bad mustaches. More of a live thing than album bliss, but give it a go.

And by "Gryphon," they mean "Acme."

The Gryphon Single Man Flying Wing is a set of jet engines and a fixed wing you attach to your back while in an airplane. You then jump out of the airplane, fly up to 110 miles, then parachute to the ground.

Please note that by "you," I mean "not me."

Bring Back Britney.com

"We at BringBackBritney.com hold that a hosed-down, scantily clad Britney Spears is vital to the livelihood of millions of Americans. We will not sit silently as she sullies her persona in the public eye; that of a Kabbalah chasing, non-seatbelt wearing, ovary farm for any two-bit backup dancer to take advantage of. This is not the Britney we hold in high regard"

Greg Giraldo 1, Dennis Leary 0

Colin Quinn (who once helped oust Satorical from an episode of MTV's "Remote Control") used to have this show on Comedy Central called "Tough Crowd" where stand-up comedians, semi-celebrities, and the occasional public servant would get together and discuss the issues of the day. Certainly not a new idea (try to imagine Bill Maher's show without all the ...Bill Maher), but occasionally entertaining nonetheless.

The thing that made this show the most interesting for me though was the way that as it began to fade into obscurity the forum became more of a fight club for the comedians involved. Take for example this clip where funnyman Greg Giraldo does his best to set up a joke about the North Korean Nuclear Problem, but then decides instead to basically tear into not-quite-as-funny-as-he-used-to-be-when-he-was-stealing-Bill-Hicks'-material-man Dennis Leary, who does not appear pleased at all to discover that his expensive sunglasses provide less protection than he originally paid for.

Hoffa Cupcakes

Black humor in the heartland.

Cosby Bebop

Some serious dancing for your face.

-- And while I'm at it, don't forget this classic pudding pop from back in the day (NSFW due to excessive filth flarn flarn filth).

We're Not Gonna Take It

Only recently did it dawn on me why my parents objected to me listening to the music created by this group of ...unshaven transvestives from New Jersey.

Not that tunes like "You're Gonna Burn in Hell" or "I Wanna Rock" weren't great for their day, but if you want to dress like Bette Midler, at least do a better job with the rouge.

Still, it's the first guitar solo I ever learned to play -- and regardless of who you are or where you come from, there's no denying the brilliance that is Neidermayer.

Shaveeverywhere

Our grandfathers never had to deal with this, and it wasn't because the electric razor hadn't been invented, either.

The Anti-Hurricane and Tornado Machine

Jeez, even Gore is teeing off now.

A little side note: we've been Highly Recommending stuff for a little over a year now. Starting from nil, we're now getting about 600 visitors a month, so thanks for spreading the word.

Hoaxing Congress

Someone made a parody video game with dialogue from Team America: World Police and passed it off as a terrorist training tool. It ended up being shown to credulous Congressional members in a hearing, who predictably linked video games with terrorism.

Dissing Tom Cruise

No link here, just an observation. A friend of mine who works for HBO is on a list to see various movie premieres. Apparently every female on the list replied that Tom Cruise is crazy and that they no longer have any interest in seeing his movies.

I prefer the term "loonball" to "crazy," but it's the Michael Jackson career effect regardless.

Thank You Stephen Colbert

Colbert annihilates Dubya, sitting three chairs away.

Cherry Blossom Festival

This weekend at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens. There are only so many chances to see a big group of New Yorkers looking unreservedly happy. This is one.

TV in Japan

This is what TV is like. In Japan.

Ernie Cline

Ernie is the equivalent of coffee made with caffeinated water. Oh, and he wrote a sequel to The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across The 8th Dimension.

Cattyshack

Extremely good-natured and well-appointed lesbian bar on the less obnoxious side of Park Slope in Brooklyn. DJ Sancho hosts a trivia night with dry wit and appropriate songs to match the questions.

Plus, ya gotta love the fact that Boys' Night at the place is called Oink.

Cigarette Package Warnings

Physicians For A Smoke-Free Canada has a nice archive of cigarette package warnings from around the globe. I recently saw Thank You For Smoking, which featured a tobacco industry lobbyist trying to prevent the FDA from slapping a big skull and crossbones on each pack of cigarettes. Actually, that would be tame compared to some of the graphic (fair warning) imagery required by some countries. Here's our favorite (not as graphic).

Cereal-Flavored Milk

1) Eliminates that pesky fiber from your cereal experience.
2) Hex will be all over this.

The Easter Bunny Hates You

Whose eggs are painted now, bitch?

Bent

The 3rd International Circuit Bending Festival features lots of homebrew electronic noisemaking gadgetry. One highlight: build your own square wave tone generator (which may be turned into a simple synth) for $15. Also features nightly performances by the pros. Now through Sunday in NYC.

Peart Goes Hollywood

You gotta love Aqua Teen Hunger Force. After five years of on-air weirdness, they finally get their shot at a real hollywood budget, and what do they spend it on?

The Neal.

More of a geek footnote than a high recommendation (seeing as the movie hasn't actually been released yet), it proves once again just how much writing songs about trees can do for your career.

Chew By Numbers

This is pretty damn gross, and likely to be a hit with any grade-schoolers you know.

Zunafish

Well someone will want to trade for your vintage Mary Kate & Ashley VHS tape. Just don't count on it being the guy with the complete Godfather collection. Or maybe it will be, which would be pretty interesting right there.

The Perry Bible Fellowship

Chuckle-worthy evil hidden behind randomized clicks.

Meanwhile, in Riven...

If you have to have arrested development, I suppose you could do worse than to get stuck at the treefort stage.

The Brandon Hardesty Re-enactments

His name is Brandon Hardesty. He's a college film major who messes around with film on the side.

Specifically, he re-creates scenes from his favorite movies using household props and lighting, himself as all the actors, and an eye for detail that makes this collection of clips a heck of a lot more entertaining than they probably should be.

The first in the series is his take on a scene from the end of the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, (which really should be a lot funnier considering the mustache).

Then if you dig a little deeper you'll find a whole series of these things on his YouTube page, including scenes from The Breakfast Club, The Shining, and Pulp Fiction.

A couple of notes:
* Although he is also a huge fan of film, the guy in these clips is not the infamous Cliche Monster (who is a better actor and rarely sports hair)
* The scene from Star Trek: First Contact is perhaps the most unintenionally funny of the bunch, as an attempt to delve into a captain's psyche dissolves into a campy version of "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf" (or The Jeffersons, depending on your point of view)
* In what's probably the best film of the series overall, Hardesty does an awesome imitation of Wallace Shawn, all the way down to the way he crosses his arms.
* That being said, his Cary Elwes? ...eh, not so much.

Either way, it's a fun little collection of clips to waste time with on a Sunday morning (And who knows - if he keeps up like this, dude might even end up with his own film credit page on IMDb).

Pest-Machine Interfaces

Don't worry. The frogs were already dead.

But Is It Graffitti?

By definition, yes, but probably not to the cops, which is all that counts to some. Still, this is nifty. I'm thinking they should tackle some Calders next. "No Corporate Art," maybe?

Science Facts For The Immature

With apologies to Ruben Bolling.

The Brick Testament

Somewhere out there right now, a man is recounting the entire Old Testament. In Lego.

Optus Tennis

1) Ok, I'll just see what this little flash game thingy is all about for a minute and then I'll get back to the work I am supposed to be doing.
2) ..Ok, well I didn't really know how to play it there -- so let me try it again.
3) Ok, I get it (say -- this is kinda cool).
4) Ok, I know I can beat that score.
5) Ok, I slipped there -- didn't mean to mess up.
6) Ok, now the computer is cheating.

..Ok, the human body can go a couple
of days without food and water, right?

isolatr

The Internet.

It's about meeting people. Creating connections. Making friends. It's about shiny happy people holding hands.

...Yeah, great.

If you've had your fill of sharing anything with the rest of the world, then we might just have the product you've been looking for.

Fearless Xenophobia

I was wondering when someone would realize that China is kicking our ass in prison labor.

Pretentious Games

If On A Winter's Night A Traveler for the PS2, among others. Who knew?

Film on Film

If it's been a while since you heard the actual clicking of a film projector, it's time to hunt down a screening. With a competent projectionist, the sound and picture quality can be just fine, and there's nothing quite like stepping back 70 years with others in a darkened room for some sepia charm.

Stuff On My Cat

A variant on Oolong.

Fearless Puppetry

Three points I would like to make about this one:

* I love this song
* It's kinda sad when puppets rock harder than most bands on the radio
* I can't help but feel a bit cheated by the fact that I don't live in a country where street performers feature songs by Motorhead.

Fearless Profligacy

Actually, the assistant looks like she has some loathing going on, if not fear.

Fearless Doofiness

Since you're on the Internet, you've likely already heard about Snakes On A Plane. Hex and I would see this in a heartbeat if we weren't holding down different corners of the country.

What's funny about this preview is that the hosting page is advertising for soundtrack contributions. Translation: Sam Jackson and computer snakes ate the budget.

The Birthday Massacre

1 Part Missing Persons
1 Part Nine Inch Nails
1 Part Concrete Blonde
1c crushed 80s dance-o-synthpop (don't cheap out--use the good stuff)

Mix liberally. Sprinkle with American McGee. Top it all off with the bloody bunny from Twilight Zone: The Movie.

Shazam!

I'm pretty sure the Middle East won't like this one either.

More Cartoons That Might Offend the Middle East

You just gotta love that crazy yellow dog with the big nose

...whatever his name is.

Those Wacky Coders

"This application only encodes and decodes 8-bit ASCII text and is for entertainment purposes only."

Junkyard of the Damned

Dead Man Eating

Last meals of executed prisoners. That part of it is interesting. The blog section with rabid pro-death penalty comments is kinda scary.

The Solid Gold Elite Dancers

Part of a well-done machinima talk show based on the Halo game engine. The first episode has an interesting interview with Peggy Ahwesh, creator of She Puppet.

Make Your Own Snowflake

Withering Accuracy

For our non-NYC readers, Park Slope is a now-hopelessly yuppified section of Brooklyn.

What Kiefer Sutherland Will Be Doing In 30 Years

What do onetime TV stars do to avoid the convention set? In Tom Baker's case, they leave voice mails for texters who want him to say "bollocks." One ambitious cellie user had him speak all the words to "Video Killed The Radio Star," including the instantly weird "I met your children. What did you tell them?"

Like Your Job's This Important

How can you just sit there and write reports, grade papers, or sell ...things when there's an epidemic going on?!

I'm talking about Bird Flu! Potential future killer of everyone you've ever known and loved! Drop what you're doing, just stop right now.

You've got 30 seconds to save the world.

Bird Flu, Man!

FTS

Wow, The Darkness have really let themselves go.

(NSFW - even if it seems like the very best place to play something like this on infinite repeat at maximum volume especially if you had to go in today when everyone else got to sleep in because they don't work for a crazed bunch of slavedrivers who can't recognize the signigicance of this particular holiday)

Frank's Random Joke Generator

I once went to a comedy club where one of the performers did an extended mime act about milking a wild deer. As you might expect, it wasn't really that funny at all --but many of us laughed anyways, possibly to mask our collective confusion about what it was that we were missing.

It's much like the feeling you'll get checking out this little doo-dad from across the pond that takes random parts from commonly told jokes and melds them together to create third generation "super-jokes" that threaten to take over the world.

Enjoy!

Katamari Damacy 2

It'll eat the world if you let it, and that's good.

All Kinds of Stuff

Professional Looney Tunes DVD commentator John Kricfalusi jumped on the blog train recently, giving us a free place to gush over him and his artwork some more.

Back in the day when his main internet platform was Spumco.com, he would frequently veer off the course of promoting his own work to craft essays on animation history, rants about current media trends, and generally comment on anything else that annoyed him.

Let's hope that happens again here.

Hello Fitty

It is what it is.

Hipster Bingo

Six Part Toaster

Looks like the McDLT inventor is staging a comeback. Let's keep that hot side hot, shall we?

La Molleindustria

The McDonald's video game rules. I have yet to try Queer Power, TuboFlex, Orgasm Simulator, or Tamatipico.

Go nuts, folks.

Disaffected!

If Lego made a video game about working at a Kinko's, it likely would look a lot like this. Lesson: Co-workers are your greatest enemy. (Also see: "Hell is other people.")

Rootin' and Falutin'

I blame Jerry Bruckheimer for the resurgence in pirates. It's like the angels craze of the early '90s, only for the evil and eyepatched. Hex has done some pirate-spotting as well, and may share his (Scroll down, read, then wish you could reach through the screen and kill me)

































booty.

MixCDSwap3

Spread some good music to your fellow human.

For those who got my CDs, here's the playlist for "Off A Duck's Back":

Name |Artist
Water
The Sheriff's Ranch For Boys |Shack Shakers
Reach for the Sky |Social Distortion
Better Off Dead |Bad Religion
Rose of the Devil's Garden |Tiger Army
Making Plans For Nigel |XTC
Beautiful Friend |Cranes
A Good Idea |Sugar
This Town |Go Go's
I Say Nothing |Voice Of The Beehive
Don't Care |Klark Kent
Not My Slave |Oingo Boingo
St. Louise Is Listening |Soul Coughing
Video Kid |The Birthday Massacre
Wait Move On |Iris
She Watch Channel Zero |Follow For Now
Eight-Ball |The Jody Grind
High Roll |Tom Warnick
Onto Transmigration |JUF (Gogol Bordello)
Young Liars |TV on the Radio

The Gay Bomb

Nice to see we're still hiring only the brightest and the best at DoD.

Hooked on a Feeling

One thing you can say about this guy and Tesh is that at least they have a sense of humor about themselves.

Crash Different

Relax... have some dip.

How To Dance Like a White Guy

Recently at a club I received an unexpected compliment on my dancing ability from a fetching young lady who apparently suffered from some sort of vision impediment that she wouldn't own up to.

But, like any other dude with an ego -- I'm running with it and will operate under the assumption that it was a genuine statement of fact until told otherwise.

However, should you come across this woman and want to impress her with your own moves, you might want to take some time to consult this handy-dandy little guide first -- because we all know what happens to players who try to fake the funk with the Clap Clap Point Point Clap Point Point Point Clap Point and Squat now, don't we?