xkcd: Improvised

xkcd never fails to amuse, but I thought this was worth a share.

Catching Up

This is another case of trying to make up for having missed something incredibly great. While boning up on Superjail, which is so good I almost want cable, I came across this, which is exactly what it says it is.


Your New Favorite Musicians

Danielia Cotton is probably about 5'2", with an arena-filling voice. Gigantic sound. She'll restore your faith in pop.

Viva Mayday is protest reggae rock. Incredibly listenable, with a message. (Werdna, you'll be all over them).


John Joseph's autobiography. This man, frontman for the Cro-Mags in the 80s, grew up in foster homes and on the streets of New York when junkies and gangs ruled. This is a fantastic story of overcoming horrible circumstances. 

Revelations: Dave Mustaine used to be an asshole (big shock), Annie Lennox' first husband was a Hare Krsna, and the Bad Brains were the best punk band going. No surprise there at all.

A great read. Get it.


6 Baffling Mistakes Every Movie Criminal Makes

Although the guys over at Cracked.com have sort of run the list meme thing into the ground, they still have the talent to make them entertaining on occasion. Check out this listing of the dumb things movie criminals do that always trip them up in the end.


The Font Conference

The thing about this is that once you see the name you sort of already know the joke, and because it's such an obvious gag you'd think it wouldn't really have much to offer -- but there were a few moments in this that caught me off guard and had me laughing out loud.

PS - not for nothing, but how hard is it to do a French accent? Is this really the best guy you could find?


Dead Man's Switch

You know that bit in movies when the hero/bad guy under duress says "I have everything documented, and if anything happens to me, the police/your wife/all the major news organizations will be notified"?

Well now, you can be that guy. Or you can fess up to all your friends about your postsecret, post mortem.

From the site:
This is how this works. You write a few e-mails, and choose the recipients. These emails are encrypted with military-grade algorithms, so you can be sure that no-one except the intended recipient will ever read them. Your switch will email you every so often, asking you to show that you are fine by clicking a link. If something were to... happen... to you, your switch would then send the emails you wrote to the recipients you specified. Sort of an "electronic will", one could say.

Internets, we love you.


The Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator

Cool joke. Awful interface. I know sometimes people just want to get to the point without all the fluff, but you literally have to find this on the page. How hard would it be to design a little frame around the thing?

ps -- If Sarah Palin was my mother, she'd name me "Quarter Granite Palin."


Ben Kingsley Sings Minor Threat

There's awesome, and then there's super awesome. And this guy had been knighted, so it's actually more like Sir Super Awesome, Knight of the Realm. Rock on, Gandhi.



Umbrella Today?

World's simplest weather report. Exactly what you needed to know.


NSFW Sunday: F***ing Seth Rogan

I like Kevin Smith. At the time it came out, Clerks was so unexpected, so raw and in a strange way pure that it made it hard not to like the people involved. He followed that up with a string of hits and misses, cameo appearances in other people's movies and speaking tours that help keep his spirit and face alive in the pop culture eye, even when his films fail to find wide success.

At the same time, as someone who really liked some of his early work -- I hate to say that I've been really disappointed with some of his more recent efforts. Clerks 2 was sort of a waste of my time because it sort of felt mailed in, like a soft attempt to recapture the fun of the original that never really came close except for the level of profanity involved.

Now he's got a new movie on the way, and with it comes the inevitable viral marketing campaign. And when you consider that Matt Damon and Ben Affleck have been friends of Smith's for a long time -- it only makes sense that something like this might follow.


The Sticky Note Experiment

Thus far it's been a really boring day at work, which means I probably shouldn't have watched this:

If you can't shake the feeling that the guys in the video look familiar, pat yourself on the back -- because they're the guys from Eepybird -- the same one's who first put Mentos in the Diet Coke bottles way back when. That was an experiment I immediately wanted to try for myself, and this one is no different.



Christopher Walken is a talented and unique dramatic actor who has played a series of pivotal roles in a number of critically acclaimed, award-winning films. I feel this is an important thing to say, because if (got forbid) the man dropped dead tomorrow -- I'm pretty sure his gravestone would have the words "I gotta have more cowbell" written across it.

Not that it wasn't a hilarious sketch when it aired, but that it's the catchphrase that WILL NOT DIE. "Isn't that Special?" "Makin' Copies?" "That's the Ticket?" -- all of these things had a shelf life. But this cowbell thing is the terminator.

Example A -- a new website that lets you upload a song and then ..Add more cowbell to it.

Kinda fun, especially if you've got some time to kill. Also worth a listen are the cowbell-ified songs that others have made, available for browsing here.

He was in the Deer Hunter, people.


The World's Hottest Burger

When I was in high school the big deal was to see how many hot sauces you could put on a single burrito. Our man Werdna put something like 15 on one time. The thing was mostly sauce.

This drive to establish yourself as the toughest mofo alive by means of hot sauce does not go away.

Another friend told a tale of New Orleans from about 10 years ago. The chef would come around and say "Have you met The Man?" The Man was a hot sauce made of molten meteorite or some such equally infernal alien ingredient. If you hadn't met The Man, the chef would put a drop on whatever you were eating and then laugh at you and your pain. My friend asked if anyone had ever had more than one drop. Apparently someone had once voluntarily consumed six drops of The Man. When asked who this person was, the chef said "Some stupid white boy."

Cut to the present.

There is a restaurant in Queensland Australia which serves The World's Hottest Burger. From the pictures and videos I've seen, it looks to be mostly hot peppers and sauce. They serve it to you with fireproof gloves and an emergency kit consisting of milk and yogurt. If you can make it through the entire thing without using the kit, you get your name on the wall.

My running buddy has a brother who lives down there. He and his friend recently decided they were up to the challenge. First, his e-mail:

Dear sweet arse-raping Jesus i will make this report VERY quick because just the memory of the burger is giving me bowel cramps.

First of all the burger in question can be found at the 'Off The Wall Diner' at Wellington Point in Brisbane.

Secondly, before it gets served to you you have to put on rubber gloves.

Finally, it was not so much a meal as a physical assault.

I swear to god i have never been in so much pain in my life. i was mentally prepared for the burn and had decided that no matter how hot it turned out to be i was just going to open a can of 'harden the f * ck up' and keep eating. So here's how it panned out...

4 of us head to Wellington Point around 2pm for a cruisy Saturday lunch. Me, Thommo and our two better halves.

We know that drinking beer won't help the burn, but just for psychological backup we have 2 6 packs of Little Creatures. We drink 1 6 pack on the way to the diner. We start on the other as soon as we arrive.

The 2 guys order the megadeath burgers to much laughter and derision from the kitchen of the diner. The 2 girls order sensible burgers.

We are downing the beer like water before we even see the burger so we run across the road and grab another 6 pack from the pub.

The girls burgers arrive and they are awesome hand made giant patty motherf * cking things and I'm starting to get REALLY hungry.

Our burgers arrive, with rubber gloves and a recovery kit consisting of a big drink of milk and a bowl of yogurt. The challenge remains that if we can finish the burger without resorting to the recovery kit we get our names on a plaque on the wall...

I start eating, and eating fast. I stick with my game plan and ignore the burn, just push through the pain.

2 things happen immediately to my body.

1. I get violent hiccups as my body tries to reject the molten lava i am putting into it.
2. I begin crying like a little girl.

Not to be discouraged I forge ahead, quickly shoveling the burger into my mouth. I begin to descend into my own little hell. Staff come out and are watching us eat and are egging us on. I can barely notice anything except the immense pain in my mouth, eyes, ears (yes my ears were ringing) but most importantly in my stomach...

And this is the problem.

The burning mouth, the crying, the ringing ears I can handle. But now with less than a third of the burger to go my stomach seizes up and refuses to let me put anything into it. I take a deep breath and look for my can of 'harden the f * ck up' when I notice that my mate Thommo has stopped eating his burger just beyond the halfway point and is wandering aimlessly up and down the street.

He has honestly lost the plot and is walking around in circles.

I decide I can't be defeated and manage one more bite before my stomach explains at this point that it is about to return to me everything i have just eaten at high speed.

not being able to face the prospect of vomiting back something that hot i pull off my gloves and admit defeat with 2 mouthfuls to go. The staff can't believe I have got this close and not finished it but at this point i really don't give a f * ck because i have just started to hallucinate.

No exaggerations here for the next 15-20 minutes or so as we just sat there i was completely off my face. it is one of the strangest drug experiences I have ever had (thats a BIG call). The closest thing I can liken it to is the feeling you have when you are coming off an 'e' and you are really jumpy, agitated, spun out and trippy.

Can i recommend this burger to anyone?

No f * cking way.

Should you go and try it anyway?

Absof * ckinglutely!

And about 2 days later...

it is now almost 48 hours later and i have just had my second shower for the morning.

second shower? why have 2?

because i am still shitting white hot torrents of molten steel and i need to cool down my puckered, torn and abraded sphincter before it decides to go all 'china syndrome' and melt through the crust of the earth to the core.

i swear to god all i have eaten in the past couple of days since the 'event' is stomach and anus friendly food like yoghurt, and ham and salad rolls and yet here i am at 6am on monday morning wondering why i have just been fisted by someone with a handful of broken glass and gravel?

the burger was evil. and it's evilness continues to taunt my bunghole.

shame on you for wanting to try this boobmeister. shame.

... and finally, a few days after that...

lol thanks for your concern f * cker

it lasted until tuesday night (i had the burger on saturday lunchtime) and i had my first *normal* crap on wednesday morning.

my mate i went who also tried the burger with came good on tuesday morning, but he admitted by 'good' he meant he wasn't bleeding profusely from his anus and eyeballs at the same time.

that burger was all f * cked up.

now go try it.

Now you have the context with which to enjoy a video of another victim (don't worry, no bathroom scenes):

And lastly, let's hear it for the hardcore girls. One of them gets her name on the wall! Skip to the 4:00 mark, where the strong are divided from the weak.

Say it Ain't So -- Astroland Closed

Just hearing about this today -- the one thing I didn't really get a chance to do the last time I was in NYC is now something I won't get to do -- famous Coney Island theme park Astroland has closed down due to some sort of landlord dispute that sounds suspiciously similar to the story of why CBGB closed.

Speaking as someone who doesn't live in New York and therefore believes Coney Island to be a sparkling clean, family-friendly, fair-priced place to go to have a good time with other pleasant people, it seems like a shame that this place won't be around anymore.

And even if I'm somehow wrong in that assumption -- can you even begin to count how many movie scenes ended up with some sort of chase scene through that place?

The 30,000 Calorie Sandwich

Somehow I have not known about this. For this sin, I am fully prepared to turn in my Y chromosome.

That said, this man has my total respect. Description of the sandwich construction is awesome:

"I was almost there when my dad offered up a bit of advice. Bread and deep fry the meat. I was furious at myself for not having thought of that myself."

The page is getting hit hard and takes a bit to load. It's worth it.



Simultaneously the greatest and most sexist thing you'll see all day -- PMSbuddy.com is a free service created to remind you when your wife, girlfriend, mother, sister, daughter, or any other women in your life are closing in on "that time of the month" by sending you an email alert.

Good to know that Al Bundy is not only alive and well, but a web entrepreneur now as well.


Name All 32 Starting QBs

Football season starts tonight. 32 teams and a nation of crazed fans. But can you name all 32 starting quarterbacks in the league in under five minutes?
Sounds easy -- but it isn't.
I was able to get 27 of them, but then I sat there while the clock ticked away -- feeling like a complete football fan failure that I couldn't come up with the rest. If you're a fan, it's definitely worth a try.


Just Too Easy to Pick On Right Now

The majority of the Republican leadership rushed to the aid of the victims of Hurricane Gustav, eventually leading to the decision to cancel the RNC in lieu of helping those in need, which deserves serious props regardless of your affiliation.

But what about the people who weren't able to get out of the convention in time?
Rest assured, The Daily Show was there.


Stinking Up the Joint

In American McGee's Grimm, you're Grimm, bringing darkness and filth to cutesified fairy tales, and restoring them to their original disturbing nature. The episodes take about 30 minutes to play, unless you're like me, then they take an hour. The first one is free (application installation required), as are the others on the day they premiere. Fun.

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