President Ballsack

Tom Vilsack will not win the Democratic nomination for President, and it's not anything that James Carville can fix. The reason Carter was a one-termer? Middle-schoolers could make fun of his name, that's why. Same here.

This is what we at Highly Recommended call political humor. Stewart ain't got nothin' on us. CNN, here we come...

Owned

The Tree Bed

"That very night in Max's room a forest grew

and grew--

and grew until his ceiling hung with vines and the walls became the world all around."

There probably isn't an accurate way to describe just how cool I think this is, or just how many cheap pickup lines I would craft around it if I owned one.

But one thing's for certain -- if I can't afford the way cool "Where the Wild Things Are" Christmas stocking, there's probably no chance that I have even close to the necessary coinage it would take to get one of these.

Still -- what a way to dream, eh?

The Roller Toaster

I am Jack's potential fire hazard.

Monster Stockings

First and foremost: Want one, want one, want one.

But then you get a peek at that price tag and you're like "60 Bucks!?"

I mean, I guess they're using nice fabrics -- but really, what sort of gifts do people really get in their stockings? Gift certificates? Matchbox cars? ..Nothing?

Oh yeah, let me roll up to the curb in my jet car and see if I've got any change in my solid-gold wallet.

Still a pretty cool idea, though.

Laid Off: A Day in the Life

To be perfectly honest, Odd Todd was a lot funnier to me when I had a job.

Nowadays it hits a little too close to home, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't take a moment to enjoy what he does.

Set in those halcyon days after the dotcom crash, "Laid Off" shows you exactly what it's like when the calls stop coming.

Of course these toons have been around a while so there's a good chance you might have already seen them -- but just like fudge stripe cookies and pringles it's a good thing, because you never really know when you'll need them the most.

What Does She Want for Christmas This Year?

Oh I think you know.

The Star Wars Christmas Album

The holidays are upon us again bringing tidings of good cheer, christmas cards from friends, and endless piles of bad marketing ideas that flame out so hard they could help guide Santa's sleigh through even the foggiest of Christmas eves.

Take for example this misguided collection of songs celebrating the holiday spirit through the eyes of a protocol droid.

It's a bad idea from the start (as all attempts to combine the words 'Star Wars' and 'Christmas' tend to be), but on top of everything else there's something especially creepy about the combination of lounge piano music with the sound of Anthony Daniels' lilting robot vocals -- almost as if you're caught at an office christmas party with a C3P0 who has perhaps has downed one too many mimosas and is motioning for you to come join him under the mistletoe.

..and we all remember what happened to the
last guy who went there with him, don't we?

Wife Force One

Ever notice that Harrison Ford seems to make the same movie over and over?

The Game

Awww man, I lost!

Date Night in Nerdtown

I don't know - something about this is sorta cute and makes me wish I had thought of it first. But then after a while all you feel is this incredible urge to punch the people involved.

That being said, the word "Superpeep" will probably end up being a part of my vocabulary forever.

Enjoy!

America's Top Colleges: The 2006 Power Rankings

Here's one for all the parents out there -- College Humor's rundown of the Top 50 Colleges in the country. The rankings are based on a point system that tabulates the percentage of students that are female, the drug interest at the particular campus, the hours the bars close, and whether they give out free condoms or not.

And while I am simply aghast at my alma mater's poor showing in a listing such as this (where you'd think they'd clean up), I couldn't help but feel really bad for the kids over at Duke, who somehow didn't show up on the list at all.

I mean you'd think with all the effort the lacrosse team put in they'd get some run, but I guess that's what happens when you have a weak non-conference schedule, eh?

Anyways.. College.

Here's to it.

The YES Nation

Here's a neat little doo-dad that shows you in real time what songs are currently playing at various radios stations across the United States right now.

At the same time -- neat as this is to look at, what good is it supposed to do anyone? I mean, do they expect people to look at this site and say, "Oh crap, I'm missing a good song that's playing.. in Idaho?"

Way to kick radio when it's down, Internet!

Ms. Dewey

The first impression I got when I came across this interactive search engine was that it seemed like something Tom Cruise should have been talking to on the set of Minority Report. But further investigation revealed a neat little toy that not only finds information on the web, but has some fun with you along the way.

Ms. Dewey is the search engine that talks back to you, jokes around, and gets mad if you don't type anything into it for a while (try it and see). There seems to be no end to the preprogrammed responses she has for your search queries, and they all seem to be filled with a winking, flirty sense of humor that's easy to get addicted to.

Unfortunatley like all talking web widgets, the joke starts to wears thin once you start getting duplicate responses -- leaving you with what is essentially a sexier version of Bonzi Buddy.

Or at least, that's what I was starting to think until I asked her to do a search for Flava Flav.

..Yeah, I'm in love.

TAK Pushpins

Like it or not, the holiday season is upon us. What this means is that unless you're a shopping mall or a redneck, you'll soon have to deal with the annual house of horrors that is putting up christmas lights.

For those of you who might be thinking on a smaller scale -- like adorning a cubicle or an apartment window, these little beauties might just be the answer you've been looking for.

The Drivemocion

A lot of vehicles these days are equipped with bluetooth technology -- which I personally think is a good thing because I've always found it frustrating that I couldn't open financial spreadsheets with my car.

..idiots.

Why can't someone integrate the really important technological advances of the day into an automobile?

You know, like this.

Dennis The Menace

Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of Mr. Wilson's life. His breakfast will taste better than any meal you and I have ever had.

Immortality

Video might have killed the radio star, but if there's one thing you can always count on -- it's the internet's ability to keep a joke from dying.

We're All There.

It may not be any good (doubtful), but just get used to the fact that the entire planet will be going to the movies next Summer, to see this.

Make My People Sing

Looking for a quick way to bring your workplace to a screeching halt?

This might just be the answer.

The Big Lebowski Magic Bowling Ball

Rug-peers did not do this.

Getting our act together

Thanks to Hex, this site is now a bit more with the times. Comments should be working now, too, so please have at. We're also on course for another record month; don't look now, but we may have 1,000 unique visitors this month. Thanks for spreading the word!

Bad Libs

Oh you just gotta _(verb)_ madlibs. The simple "parts of speech" _(noun)_ that popped up at family parties or _(noun)_trips -- always bringing with it the possibility for that one "extra game" where you all all your _(group of people)_ couldn't help yourself from using _(dirty words)_ of all sorts and varieties to fill in all the blanks.

...or was that just me?

The trouble is, the stories you'd always find in those books were innocent and clean, in many ways nothing more than hapless victims to you and your inappropriate vocabulary skills.

If only there was a place where the stories themselves had a bad attitude..

Enter Bad Libs, a new take on the old favorite that offers users the chance to fill in some real blanks, if you know what I mean.

Whether you want to create the perfect breakup letter, dirty personal ad, sex columnist advice request, emo diary entry, or soul-bearing poem, Bad Libs has you covered. Plus, using the magic of patented In-ter-net™ technology - your Bad Lib can be instantly added to blog posts or MySpace bulletins so that they can be easily shared with all your adoring fans.

And really, isn't that what _(noun)_ is all about?

The Informed and Eye-Rolling Electorate

Rather than just supporting a political party blindly, learning a little something about the people you're electing can help when you hit the voting booths today. The mere fact that you're voting is inexplicably optimistic--good on you for thinking that things can get better rather than worse (I'm with you)--but at least you'll be able to say you did your homework rather than Christmas treeing the bitch.

That's where The League of Women Voters comes in. This non-partisan group asks each candidate questions about actual issues. I know blogs, the National Enquirer, and CNN are more entertaining sources of politico-tainment, but this way you can actually compare candidate answers yourself to make an informed decision. Crazy, no?

Having said all that, the unfiltered answers candidates give make it clear why so many of them rely on speechwriters, image-polishers, spokespeople, and other minions to make what they say palatable to more than say...themselves.

Here are actual answers from this year's candidates for office in New York. Maybe it's better where you are. I hope so.

"Besides my above-average academic and scholarly credentials, I have acquired some wisdom from copious reading."
--Donald Silberger

"I am active in defense of the Cuban Revolution, and participated in the 2005 anti-imperialist World Youth Festival in Caracas, Venezuela."
--Ben O'Shaughnessy

"I believe we are trying to achieve the right balance between security and civil rights. I have concerns, however it will take actual evidence of abuses under various laws such as the Patriot Act before I would be ready to alter them or abandon them."
--Italo A. Zanzi
(You mean besides the warrantless wiretapping thing?)

"He knows what it takes to create jobs and he how the real world works + experience that is needed in Washington."
--Jack Davis
(Dude, you're running for Congress--proofread!)

Then there's Christopher M. Srock...

Occupation: Full-time cook at Intercommunity Memorial Hospital
In 1998 I graduate with Honors from Newfane High School
I have run for town council and county legislature seats in 1999 and 2001 respectively
Both campaigns were issued based: winning the primary for councilman and losing the general elections
These losses raised issues that were addressed and helped everyone
(Except me. I lost...)

Run Satorical Run

As some of you might already know, our boy Satorical is running in the New York Marathon today. All told that means 26 miles through the streets of the city, all ending up with the big finish in Central Park.

This is no easy feat to accomplish, and it's doubly special seeing as this is his first attempt at it ever. So if you get a moment - make sure to leave well wishes and congrats for the man who started this site all those eons ago.

Great Job, Bro!!

Gents, a little travelling music if you please!

The Art of the Saber

I wasn't able to sneak this one in during the "star wars day" thing that sort of unintentionally happened yesterday, but it's far too good to not post.

Set to the music of Denez Prigent, this film is one of the best homemade offerings I've ever seen. With text taken directly from an authentic Civil War love letter and fight choreography rivaling the best Hollywood could offer, it's the sort of thing I find myself watching over and over again.

Enjoy!

Ayiti

Ever wondered what it's like to be Haitian? Here's your chance.

Jedi Recruitment at Grand Central

We're feeling Star Wars today here at Highly Recommended. Here's news of some event marketing for Cinemax' showing of the Star Wars movies in HD. Apparently they'll have kung fu guys with lightsabers at Grand Central Station tomorrow.

I'd bet real money that at some point during rush hour you'll hear "Yo Anakin, get the fuck outta the way!"

Darth Bundy

Your first wife didn't support your career choices -- which really ticked you off seeing as you were just trying to help her out. Then she died, which was hard to get over -- but with time comes healing, and with eHarmony.com comes the opportunity for a second chance at love.

But then two years later it's "take the trash out this" and "we never go anywhere nice for dinner anymore that"

There's only so much one sith can take, you know?

The John Hughes Jukebox

Here's a nice bit of retro cool, a webpage featuring scads of free downloadable music from every movie John Hughes ever made. You won't find every song from every soundtrack, but there are loads of hard to find and out-of-print titles to choose from.

The coolest aspect of the whole thing for me is the fact that many of these tunes were used as background music for incidental moments in the films (chase scenes, visual montages, driving sequences), and as such never found a place on the original soundtrack albums.

Whatever the case, there's plenty of source material here to create fun little playlists with -- all without having to endure Molly Ringwald's incessant whining about how unbearable her life is.

And only a neo maxi zum dweebie
would pass up a chance like that.

The Death of the Pink Flamingo

Kind of a shame, really.

Dave Gorman's Important Astrology Experiment

UK TV show from 2002 in which a guy follows his horoscopes for 40 days. The setup takes a while to get going, but it's worth it. The series runs three hours total; I chewed through it in one sitting.

Stiff

"The human head is of the same approximate size and weight as a roaster chicken."

The book is subtitled "The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers." Get it now so you'll be full of fascinating facts during Thanksgiving dinner.