Carbonated Warfare

We're not set up to be The Daily Show here, so you're going to have to read the article yourself to get the full effect (Click the link above as usual; free registration required).

The deal is that the Bush administration might finally be doing something about genocide in Darfur. In response, the ambassador from Sudan gave a weird press conference worthy of Baghdad Bob.

Among the gems:

"The United States is the only country saying that what is happening in Darfur is a genocide," Ukec shouted, gesticulating wildly and perspiring from his bald crown. "I think this is a pretext."

Ah. So what about the more than 400,000 dead? "See how many people are dying in Darfur: None," he said.

And the 2 million displaced? "I am not a statistician."

And then it got really strange. Apparently the Sudan exports 80% of the world's gum arabic, which is used as an emulsifier (I learned more about cola and pottery chemistry than I really wanted to know for this post. You're welcome). So the Ambassador intimated that it might shut off its supply to retaliate against sanctions:

A reporter asked if Sudan was threatening to "stop the export of gum arabic and bring down the Western world."

"I can stop that gum arabic and all of us will have lost this," Khartoum Karl warned anew, beckoning to the Coke bottle. "But I don't want to go that way."

As diplomatic threats go, that one gets high points for creativity: Try to stop the killings in Darfur, and we'll take away your Coca-Cola.

Additional gum arabic weirdness:

Used by bin Laden to finance terrorism?

Stoners use it for rolling paper

This woman uses it to paint bad historical art

Best Use of Holst Ever

Mars, from Holst's "The Planets," gets a lot of use since it's in the public domain.

But it's never been done quite like this. Wait for it...at 0:18 to go.

Think Your Star Wars Costume is Pretty Good?

Clearly you haven't caught this guy's act yet. (be warned -- LOUD video clip.)

Beer for Children

After a hard day at cram school, it's apparently time to head for the mountains.

I don't know what's odder -- the kid who looks ready to take on the whole bar, or the little girl who's well on her way to pledging Tri-Delt.

One thing's for sure though -- the "Wasssup" ads
for this will be nothing short of adorable.

sugartown

Sugartown is the well-tended music blog of Brooklyn DJ Colleen Crumbcake.

Now you know.

Work For It

In the world of reality television, 24 hour news coverage, and viral videos, there's a worthy dialog about how an entire generation of American children are growing up with the notion that they deserve fame.

I don't have anything really worthwhile to add to that discussion besides reiterating an old axiom that is apparently going forgotten:

Fame isn't something you're given, kids - you've gotta earn it.

Are You Ready for The Sex?

Ridiculously unsafe for work, yet completely hilarious -- which is why I'm posting it on a day when most of you shouldn't be there.

For those of you who know me in real life, this is where I originally heard one of my most underused yet poignant reference quotes, "There's something wrong with your vagina!"



On a side note, I'd be remiss if I didn't point out just how well-dressed the devil appears to be in this clip. But it shouldn't come as a surprise, after all he is a man of wealth and taste.

Now get out there and DANCE!!

The Sole Inhabitant

Hex and I both have a soft spot for Thomas Dolby, and having seen this original artist of the MTV era perform his one-man show live, I can tell you that he's far craftier than you might think from his one-hit-wonder reputation.

There are seven free video podcasts on this page, regardless. You cannot lose.

Asshole Lit

One of the nice things about living in Brooklyn is that there's a culture of reading here. I don't mean a snobby, exclusive culture; I mean people read here, so much so that there's a sidewalk trade in used books. So much so that people occasionally just leave a pile or box of books on the stoop when they move, because as my strong-backed college friends can tell you, books are a pain in the ass to hump.

Some street folk actually have a trade in third-hand texts, which they'll spread out on the sidewalk or on a sideways-turned cart.

Anyway, I was delighted to find a copy of A.L. Kennedy's Paradise on a stoop a couple of weeks ago (Free book! Yay!). Kennedy is a Scottish writer, and the Scots can do a couple of things remarkably well. Two of these are drink and write. Paradise is a portrait of someone who does both, and although it falls into the category of drunk lit, best exemplified by Frederick Exley's A Fan's Notes (see also Ironweed), both of those can also be qualified as asshole lit.

Ex and Kennedy's characters are assholes, and not the lovable kind. They are of the destructive kind, and you're stuck with them because they're the protagonists. David Gates has done this type of thing too. The skill here is not in making these character lovable, but in painting the portrait without flinching. Most of us want to be loved, and it takes some steel to create characters and art that repulses, without doing so just to shock. These aren't out-and-out gross-out contests, competing for the most public vomiting or horrible treatment of would-be friends. They also aren't assholes of the purposeful contrarian sort. They're pictures of what can happen when the rebellion goes too far; sure, making a beast of yourself gets rid of the pain of being human, but then you're a beast, too.

The Friday Smile - 3 Day Weekend Edition

Did this week go by fast or what? It seems like only a moment ago when Monday rolled around and everyone at work was freaking out about all their life or death projects.

But here it is, Friday afternoon.

But not just any Friday afternoon -- because this Friday marks the start of a heavenly 3-day weekend. 3 whole days without office politics, negativity, or tragic thumb-related mass bean-icides.

It's a time to relax -- a chance to catch up on a good book, to take a long drive to see relatives and loved ones, sing songs, play outside, or even go to a museum or gallery to see the latest modern or classic art.

But in all the excitement, lets not forget what this holiday is really about. Memorial Day (formerly Decoration Day) commemorates U.S. men and women who have died in military service to their country.. It also gives us pause to appreciate the level of bravery and sacrifice so many soldiers are providing right now across the world, whether we agree with the politics behind it or not.

So even though you might take these three days of freedom to enjoy yourselves and recharge before going back to work -- lets not forget to do our part to help out by buying up all the Tom Serafini war bonds we can on the open market!!

One more thing before I go (and I truly hope you all have a weekend that makes you as happy as this little guy)

The Friday Smile       

The Vader Project

There's a huge convention/celebration going on in L.A. right not to commemorate the 30th anniversary of Star Wars. It's like a fanboy convention complete with costumes, trivia, and nit-picky debate mixed with a museum-styled exhibition of props, artifacts, and souvenirs aplenty to buy.

It would be an interesting event to attend -- but one of the genuinely useful things about the web is that there are plenty of resources available for you to see what's going on even if you can't be there in person.

One of the cooler things I've read about recently is The Vader Project -- where a group of artists were given a Darth Vader helmet to adorn however they wanted. It's at the convention now, but there are plans to tour it around to select galleries and events around the world.

"So Just Stop It"

Happy Summer, everyone!

Recaptcha

This is an inspired effort to put otherwise wasted time to good use. Recaptcha, which we'll be adding to this site as soon as we get two free seconds (besides the ones we're using right now), trades the codes entered for comment, Ticketmaster, and other verification schemes for tiny snippets of text. Instead of the usual gobbledygook, the text you enter is part of the global effort to digitize all books. It's sort of a human-powered SETI project.

Musical Fruit

Warning: If you don't wear headphones, audio may be NSFW, unless you're okay with drawing a lot of attention to yourself.

It's Like Vanilla Sky All Over Again

So I know it's not totally healthy, but it pisses me off a little that Paul McCartney still writes great pop songs. Doesn't it seem like there are only so many to go around, and he's hogging them?

In any case, another great song and a fun video from Sir Paul:



PS - Anybody else weirded out by ghostly library pong? Just checking.

Are You Sure You Don't Need 10 More Years to Think it Over?

It's one thing for a new group to come out, really peak your interest and then slowly fade into crappiness as

1) Success spoils the batter
2) They continue to write the same song over and over, album after album
3) You see them live and discover the magic came from the studio, not these schlubs

But it's quite another when a group you really like for no apparent reason more or less disappears off the map altogether. It's almost like the group takes a look at their fans and says, "Man, you used to be cool"

Whatever the reason, word is starting to spread that after a teensy-weensy 10-year coffee break the members of Portishead remembered that they record music for a living, and are currently in the studio working on a new album. (There's nothing really specific I'm recommending here, I just want to have my annoyance at their absence recorded so that when the album comes out and I can't stop gushing about how great it is someone can rightfully rub it in my face).

Take 2: Awesome -- Portishead's BACK!

Hollywood Stock Exchange

So it works like this: you get a load of pretend money that you use to buy stocks and bonds, only the stocks and bonds are movies and the stars that make 'em. Every one HSX dollar represents the one million dollars that you're betting the film will make in its first four weeks at the box office. There are all sorts of neat extensions to the analogy, like weekend opening gross predictions, Oscar picks, stocks based on the next American Idol, and derivatives based on what crappy thing Brian De Palma will do next (just kidding, that was for Hex).

It's a great lunchtime diversion for me, kind of a movie geek's fantasy football. And seriously, who doesn't want to say "I dumped Julia Roberts in favor of Keira Knightley. I know she's a little more expensive, but it just seems worth it to me right now, you know?"

PS - If you happen to sign up, tell 'em ClicheMonster sent you. I totally get more pretend money that way!

Gary Busey is Your Co-Pilot

When I first heard about all of these GPS in-car navigation systems that use a computerized voice to help you find your way through traffic, the very first thought I had was if I could somehow hire vetran character actor (and former voice of Knight Rider car KITT) William Daniels to provide voices for this, I'd make a billion dollars.

Alas, like the fate of many my sure-fire get rich schemes I had two more drinks and forgot to write it down, or kept getting Daniels confused with the guy who played Higgins on Magnum P.I., and I never really followed through with it the way I should have.

Fast forward a few years later and it turns out someone else has beaten me to the punch, but in a way that might not pan out exactly the way they were hoping for.

Meet Navtones, a new service that offers downloadable celebrity voices that you can use instead of the computerized one the TomTom system comes with. Pretty cool idea -- except that the celebrities available to choose from are Burt Reynolds, Dennis Hopper, Mr. T (who pities the fool who doesn't take the next left) and ..Gary Busey.

I don't know about you -- but when you think back to some of the incidents over the years involving Mr. Busey and driving, I'm not so sure he would be my first option for assistance.

Of course, knowing Gary -- You might not have much choice in the matter.

Devorah Sperber

Ms. Sperber has taken a simple idea and executed it incredibly well. Her thread spool works are wall-sized "paintings" displayed upside-down. Viewed through a crystal sphere, they resemble famous works. A great flip-flopping of how we normally see, now on display at the Brooklyn Museum.

Passive-Aggressive Notes