I'm not lovin' it.

I would have thought that an ogre's load would be green. Shows what I know.

Battle of the Bozos

This is what happens when honkies rumble.

"The Battle of the Bozos" Trailer from Bradley Glenn on Vimeo.

Rapping Memes

Do we steer you wrong? Do we? No we do not. The ever-more amazing Martina Fugazzotto, who we love to death, has just come up with yet another winner, as the first entry on Rapping Memes (she also designed the site).

Witness the Cute Times Two as Martina raps to the baby sloth video, then make your own.

Stealing Material

Another Highly Recommended Thing of Several Moments Ago:

MC Chris:

Thanks to Hex for turning me onto this.

Oh, and because people are stupid on the Internet, I'm not suggesting MC Chris stole anything. I'm stealing material from Hex's blog (MC Chris) for this post. Now you know.

Punks Just Got Lucky

SoCal punk stalwarts Bad Religion are thankful for being able to do their thing for 30 years. So they're giving away a free live album. Thanks!

City Limits

Serving a double purpose as both a love letter to one of shows best episodes and an introduction to the show as a whole for those too young to have been there when it was happening -- the Onion's AV Club dedicates an installment of their "A Very Special Episode" series to Mystery Science Theater 3000's viewing of James Earl Jones, and Kim Cattrall in the otherwise forgotten 80's science fiction snoozer "City Limits."

Video clips accompany what sounds strikingly familiar to the memories of almost any avid fan when they talk about the first time they saw the show (btw, my first episode was "Cave Dwellers" -- which I still have on VHS, even though the tape itself is unwatchable after being worn down to almost utter ruin by repeat viewings).

Certainly nothing a lot of us haven't seen before, but still a great read.

Enjoy!

Tenacious D giving the tribute to Ronnie James Dio

resquiat in pacem

Dr. Sketchys Anti-Art School

Dr. Sketchy's Anti-Art School is an international art revolution that takes the form of monthly meetings full of drinking, drawing, & debauchery.

Born from a New York tradition that takes place every other Saturday at The Slipper Room on the Lower East Side -- this unique art "school" has expanded to over 80 cities in 4 continents of the world.

What is it, exactly?

Well -- instead of life-drawing classes where silent students sit in a silent room and draw a bored, oft-uninteresting models -- Dr. Sketchy's offers burlesque performers as subjects, in addition to all sorts of fun including contests, comedic skits, live music, and flashy prizes.

If you're in the Jacksonville area looking for something unique to do on a Wednesday night -- the Jacksonville chapter will be meeting up tonight at LIT downtown (which if you haven't been yet, is all sorts of cool) from 7:30 - 10:30, and will be featuring the Great Jacksonville Fire and in the words of local founder Edward Mourningwood, "one of the 904's most famous of madams, Cora Crane and her brothel, the Hotel de Dream."

Amateurs and pros are both welcome. How could you resist?

Seriously though -- In New York this might be one of many interesting and unique events to choose from, but this is the sort of thing that Jacksonville, Florida is starved for.

The more support something like this gets, the better it is for everyone.

So get out there and have some fun!

Mosquito, Meet Laser

When Bill Gates shifted from tech to philanthropy and disease-fighting, it was only a matter of time before he asked someone to design an anti-mosquito laser shield. Be sure to check the video to see a bug get zapped mid-flight.

Coolness Doesn't Need a Backing Track

The Drummer is Blake Richardson of Between the Buried and Me.
The video is a simple idea that's still pretty cool to watch.

Next up, transparent aluminum

When I was a kid, my grandparents took me to the 1982 World's Fair in Knoxville. Hungary's pavilion that year had a giant Rubik's Cube out front in honor of inventor Erno Rubik. I tasted ultra high temperature (UHT) milk, which is pasteurized in a way that lets it be stored unrefrigerated on a shelf--new at the time. And I stood in line while a specially-reprogrammed automotive assembly robot painted a primitive picture on paper for me.

There's so much proto-tech thrown around at a World's Fair that it's hard to know what's really important at the time. The Rubik's Cube drew my attention then, but its worldly importance over time has not been as big as the robots that now make our cars. Far more important, but less flashy, were touchscreen computers, which were kind of balky, but were the predecessors of today's iPad.

Similarly, it's hard to know exactly how important this "transparent concrete" will be over time, but it's still pretty neat to see a version of what was purely fiction in 1986 when Scotty talked about "transparent aluminum" in Star Trek IV.

We're Gonna Need a Bigger Kid

Hows that old sleeping bag of yours holding up -- Need a new one?
How about that hyperactive child that tosses and turns in his sleep?
How about that chum you've been wanting to take camping with you?

Problem solved.

Rick Moranis Has Some Advice, or Something

The Funk University

Bootsy Collins is starting a university.

Really I don't know why I really need to say anything more than that -- but if you're interested, The Funk University is specifically an online school for Bass Guitar that Bootzilla will be administering himself.

Quoth the Starchild:

"Because a groove is a terrible thing to waste, this sonic learning institution will be unlike anything before, as Professor Collins and the finest bassists in music will unleash an intense curriculum, on the web, for intermediate to advanced funk disciples within the program."

Classes start on July 1, 2010, and will be geared towards intermediate to advanced level bassists.

The guy is a legend, and a hell of a bass player -- so if you've got the time and the interest it's definitely worth a look.

Check it out!

How Bored are You at Work?

Because I guarantee you, these people have got you beat.

What you'll find when you click the link is a collection of fine artwork made from office supplies.

You know that day you took your red sharpies and made the ultimate coffee cup with your name on it?

Yeah. Nice try, poser.

There's a guy here who built a city out of staples. Not just some cityscape, but like a whole hemisphere of stapleopolis.

I have a question -- Where the hell was this guy's boss?

I dare bring a cup of coffee to my desk and the gestapo kicks down the door and hauls me off. This guy steals every staple in the building and no one says a damn thing? Not even the courier from office max with some sort of sarcastic joke?

I call Shenanigans.

Still, some of this stuff is really cool. I hope you didn't need those colored pencils or anything - because Jennifer Maestre used them all to make this while she was surely ignoring your request to approve all those purchase orders you needed done like yesterday.

Henry & Glenn Forever

When I first saw this picture on various tumblr blogs around the web, it made me laugh. But then I find out that it's actually a real indie comic, and it's available right meow (only $4 to get a copy, can't beat that).

Written by the team of Tom Neely, Gin Stevens, Scott Nobles, and Levon Jihanian (better known as Igloo Tornado) -- this comic debuted at the recent Stumptown Comics Fest.

If you've ever wondered (and really, who hasn't?) what it would be like for Henry Rollins and Glenn Danzig to try to make a relationship work while putting up with the shenanigans of their neighbors Hall and Oates, this one is for you.

Crab Revenge.com

So wrong.

So very, very wrong.

EXCLUSIVE: 24: Day 9, via Twitter

Today, May 8th, is the fifth anniversary of this blog. We are very proud on this occasion to offer an exclusive for our readers.

24's television run is coming to an end. It's too bad, too, because creator Joel Surnow had some fantastic cameos planned for next season. Here's a synopsis of what would have been the series premiere for Season 9 (aka Day 9), composed as rough notes in Twitter but never published.

Scene: Washington D.C. Capitol Building spire visible in background. As cars wait at a stop light, Jack Bauer commandeers one at gunpoint.

Bauer gets in the car as its owner watches, stunned, from the median. Before Bauer can drive away, Jason Bourne commandeers the car.

Bourne revs the engine. As he's about to start, John McClane commandeers car at gunpoint. Bourne joins Bauer and the car's owner, who shrugs

McClane revs the engine. Line of cars is now honking behind him as the light has turned green twice. Schwarzenegger steps up with a bazooka.

Daniel Craig, in tuxedo, forces Schwarzenegger out. Arnie joins other carless heroes on the median with bazooka, says "not loaded."

Carless heroes all say "Oh!," as they look wistfully toward the growing collection of guns on the passenger seat.

Daniel Craig gets five feet before coming to a halt. A staff is at his throat. Pull back to reveal Mani from Brotherhood of the Wolf.

Car owner gives a "what the hell?" look, while the carless heroes recognize Mani and are impressed in a movie geek kind of way.

Mani revs the engine once as Roger Moore steps in front of the car. Everyone on the median looks at Daniel Craig.

Daniel Craig holds up his hands in a "I have no idea" gesture as Clint Eastwood walks up. Everyone on the median applauds.

The scene goes Matrix numbers for a second as Neo appears in front of the car. Eastwood says "Oh come ON!" Bauer looks at his watch.

Neo gets behind the wheel. John McClane shouts "You don't even need a car!" Carless heroes nod in agreement. Car owner is on phone with wife

Before Neo can pull away, a yellow GTO screeches in front and transforms into Bumblebee. Cut to Mani, who rolls his eyes.

Roger Moore leans over to Daniel Craig. "Do you think you could get me a cameo or something?" Craig says "Sorry, I don't really handle that"

Several DOT trucks pull up and cordon off the block in preparation for street work. The heroes start to break up. Several pull out phones.

A few heroes ask Bumblebee for a ride. Some amble over to the bus stop and start reading the schedule.

Car owner casually gets back in his car and starts driving. He smiles slightly, wondering what he can get for his new handgun collection.

The Definitive Guide to Telling New Hampshire and Vermont Apart

A point-by-point breakdown of the differences between "America's Quotation Marks." If you stay for nothing else, read until at least the discussion of the State flags. Then again, if you get that far -- why not just finish the whole thing?

Enjoy!

Getting Wood

As you may, or may not know, we're coming up on the 5th anniversary of HRTOTM. And what do you get on your 5th anniversary? Wood!! As the only female blogger on HRTOTM, I hope my fellow bloggers are getting wood right now. Errrrr... ummm... Getting me something MADE out of wood right now... yeah... that's what I meant...

Something like this perhaps?

Sequels to The Human Centipede

I've successfully avoided the torture porn genre so far. Despite a love for good horror movies (Halloween being my favorite), Saw, Hostel, and movies of their sort strike me as a colossal waste of time. The closest I've ever come to seeing something like them was The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which was arguably more scary in its depiction of a relentless killer than from any actual gore in the movie. Only Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf made me cringe more.

Right now the movie getting all the buzz is The Human Centipede. It depicts an insane surgeon on a quest to connect people to each other like the paper doll silhouette in the poster here. It's the type of thing that's twisted enough to think about, but requires a whole extra level of nihilistic cynicism to go ahead and turn into a movie.

Anyway, one problem of the genre is the "porn" part of the equation. Like porn or anything designed to shock the system, viewers/addicts always need a bigger dose. The genre is engaged an arms race to see who can pump out the most depraved and disturbing imagery. The director has already announced his intention to create a sequel involving 12 victims instead of three. But I think we're in for competitors as other studios try to outdo him.

So, coming this Halloween, look out for...

The Human Skeeter

The Human Chigger

The Human Silverfish

The Human Pillbug

The Human No-See-Um

But the smart money will be on The Human Candiru. Starring The Situation as the man transformed by a demented surgeon into a fish that swims up urethras.

Logorama

It's like someone borrowed a simple gag from a Simpson's Halloween episode, expanded it, and then gave it the Michael Bay treatment. I know that might initially sound like a recipe for awful -- but despite it's extreme length, this thing is actually pretty engaging.

And even if it wasn't, the animation is sick.

Enjoy!

-- NSFW language and occasional violent imagery.