Sequels to The Human Centipede

I've successfully avoided the torture porn genre so far. Despite a love for good horror movies (Halloween being my favorite), Saw, Hostel, and movies of their sort strike me as a colossal waste of time. The closest I've ever come to seeing something like them was The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which was arguably more scary in its depiction of a relentless killer than from any actual gore in the movie. Only Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf made me cringe more.

Right now the movie getting all the buzz is The Human Centipede. It depicts an insane surgeon on a quest to connect people to each other like the paper doll silhouette in the poster here. It's the type of thing that's twisted enough to think about, but requires a whole extra level of nihilistic cynicism to go ahead and turn into a movie.

Anyway, one problem of the genre is the "porn" part of the equation. Like porn or anything designed to shock the system, viewers/addicts always need a bigger dose. The genre is engaged an arms race to see who can pump out the most depraved and disturbing imagery. The director has already announced his intention to create a sequel involving 12 victims instead of three. But I think we're in for competitors as other studios try to outdo him.

So, coming this Halloween, look out for...

The Human Skeeter
The Human Chigger
The Human Silverfish
The Human Pillbug
The Human No-See-Um

But the smart money will be on The Human Candiru. Starring The Situation as the man transformed by a demented surgeon into a fish that swims up urethras.


Hex said...

I know this outs me as a nerd, but was I the only one who was hoping that Human Centipede was going to be some sort of live-action film based off the old Atari video game?

Because that would rock.

Satorical said...

I just want to know if Rebbie Jackson did the soundtrack.

The Kaiser said...

Next: "The Prince", a torture porn flick based on Katamari Damacy in which the dastardly villain attaches random objects to his hapless victims.

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