Old School

Berkeley Breathed, saying it about as well as it needs to be said.

The Zoomies Chase Race

Having finally been exposed to the .jp-inspired consumer heaven that is Kid Robot, I can understand completely why someone (adults, most likely) would spend a work day on a scavenger hunt in order to win a complete set of Zoomies.

NY, SF, LA, and Miami only, so sorry.

Props to Dorie for the mad consumer lust.

The Hello Kitty Assault Rifle

Some loonball trying to make a Second Amendment point made this. It's real, it's deadly, and it has Hello Kitty on it.

I guarantee you my friend Megan wants one.

Hey Joel, Don't Make it Bad..

Longtime readers of this site should be well aware of our longtime love of the long-gone cult movie voiceover comedy brilliance that was Mystery Science Theater 3000. From the ever-fading (and at this point nearly unwatchable) VHS copies taped directly from comedy central when I was in college I carry around with me like the Ark of the Covenant to Satorical devoutly keeping up with all the books and side projects that the cast members are involved in to the continual pimping on this site of any attempts by the people who created the show to revive/update/rework the premise, we've stayed with you guys.

And don't get me wrong here. I love what you do.
But seriously -- can we settle on a name already?

Now it's Cinematic Titanic, featuring (once again) former MST3K cast members in silhouette skewering bad films from the past.

This time around it seems they're going back to the things that started them off, as the commentaries for the various films are done as part of live performances in front of audiences. In addition, this time around you can buy the DVD of the film with the commentary for a half-decent price (instead of plunking down $50 or more for DVD's that include original cuts of the bad films).

I'm not up on all the details, so I could be wrong here -- but the feeling I'm getting from the site is that Cinematic Titanic is comprised of everyone who is not a part of Rifftrax, or something vice versa, giving the impression of some sort of infighting or whatever -- which, considering how important and beloved this show and it's cast are to me should feel like that time period when Paul McCartney was killing us with the soft-rock stylings of Wings and John Lennon was making albums about peace with Yoko, but in the end sorta feels like that time Motley Crue toured with a bunch of guys who weren't in the original band, and played concerts that only featured tunes from the newer albums the replacement guys worked on.

Watching the trailer, I still find myself laughing at the gags -- but like every time I hear about a new album of original songs by the Rolling Stones coming out, all it really does is make me miss the old days of Tom Servo, Cambot, Crow, and Gypsy.

Hand Bell Hero

Probably should have snuck this one in before yesterday -- but it's still worth a look. It's your chance to make music the way the kids do these days, by pushing colored buttons when the dots come by.

Happy back to work day. Ring a ding ding.

Textured Linens for Your Comedy Bedsores

Satorical's holiday nod to Partially Clips put me in mind of Max Cannon's great work at Red Meat - a strip you may be familiar with if you're lucky enough to regularly read print editions of The Onion.

This was the best I could do for holiday shenanigans, which is a great endorsement of the site in and of itself:

And it was on.

MyMiniCity

You start with a tract of land. People visit and you get a house. There's farming. Hay is involved. More people visit and more houses pop up. Eventually there's a store or two, then some industry. Then the roads get a little clogged, and someone opens a gas station. Next thing you know the whole place is crammed with angry people, a Starbucks on every corner, and buildings that stretch higher than the eye can see.

Silly fun. Also apparently huge in Finland. What else do you need to know?

Yeah I'm double-posting this thing, but baby needs a
strip club -- so it's no sleep 'till Brooklyn, yaherrdme?

A Very Perry Christmas

Company Picnic

So, were you a part of one of those company Christmas parties this year? Worried that next year the various executive planning committees might get a little dicey when it comes to providing the fuel for future celebrations?

Perhaps you can take inspiration from this picture of a company picnic where apparently someone in corporate decided it would be a good idea to install a one-drink maximum, and one plucky (and presumably soon to be fired) rank-and-file employee volunteered to order the cups.

21 Versions of Winter Wonderland in 2 Minutes

Need some holiday spirit but don't have the time to wait around? Give this a try. It's a great little mashup of 21 separate versions of the Christmas classic Winter Wonderland performed by everyone you could think of, and several people you didn't want to.

If you've ever wondered what it would sound like if Frank Sinatra, William Hung, Stryper, Barney, Clay Aiken, The Partridge Family, Eurythmics, Willie Nelson and a host of other pop stars got together to round robin a tune, now's your chance.

Enjoy!

The Holiday-O-Matic

Coming up with original holiday greetings is hard work, so why not let this little doodad do all the work for you? All you've got to do is pull the crank, and the machine spins and whirs until you get a completely original 3-part Holiday Greeting. And while many of these greetings include references to oil changes, Swedish meatballs, and karaoke -- you can betcha that none of your prospective friend's other well wishers out there will ever duplicate the wish you create and send to them.

OK, whatever. Long story short -- Every time you make one of these and send it the creators of the site makes a donation to a charity called Rotary First Harvest -- who help collect and distribute fresh produce to the less fortunate.

The quips that this thing spits out once the wheels stop turning remind me of all those old heckler insults that Johnny Carson used to fire off on the Tonight show, but it's still a nice little distraction on a Wednesday afternoon, right?

Enjoy -- and May Your Family Gathering be Fragrant and filled with Rainbows.

That's No Moon..

You Know What's a Tough Job?

Being a newscaster.


Possibly NSFW, even if it was shown on network TV.

Soooo Last Magical Christmas Season

Can't help but rehash this one, on the random off chance that somebody missed it last year.

Step One: Click on the link
Step Two: Roll your eyes at the link
Step Three: Laugh while you watch the link

That's the way you do it!

NSFW w/o headphones... or nearly any other place, for that matter.

This is Exactly What I Would Have Done Too

I don't know about you, but every time the Associated Press decides to use a word like "chug" I feel like the world is a better place.

The Truth is Out There. Meh.

OMG OMG OMG YOU GUYS!!!!

Photos of the first day of shooting of X-Files 2!

The movie junkie net was beside its collective virtual self earlier this week at the speculated release of stills from on-set... and yesterday, they were finally brought to light.

And they're BORING.

Seriously, Duchovny looks like he might be thinking about a nap.

And yes, you're reading the landing site correctly - besides Duchovny and Gillian Anderson, the FBI is bolstered by Amanda Peet and Xhibit.

And you thought a John Singleton-helmed A Team was a bad idea.

The Christmas Tree Ornament Wizard™

Which do you prefer -- a Christmas tree that is a study in artistic design, covered in what seems a perfect balance of symmetry and color, or the wondrous multi-colored chaos that happens when you have a box of mis-matched ornaments with no rhyme or reason, and the sum total of years worth of stockpiling strings of Christmas lights that sorta work if you jiggle the bulbs when you plug them in?

If you're a fan of the first variety, here's something you might be interested in: A widget that takes into account the dimensions of your Christmas tree and then calculates the recommended number of ornaments that should be placed on it.

Seeing as there is no variable here for the number of cats or small children living in the same house as said tree, I can't see how this math could possibly be valid -- but it's here if you need it.

Enjoy!

Do Websites Need To Look Exactly The Same in Every Browser?

Just in case you were wondering.

No. No. No. No. No.

As much as I love John Singleton's work, this has got bad idea written all over it. Didn't you schmucks learn anything when you remade S.W.A.T.?

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

On the other hand, there's this -- which when I first heard about it sounded like an awful idea, but now that I've seen the trailer can't get here soon enough.

ps -- Is it just me, or does the updated costume they put Emile Hirsch in make him sorta look like the Tron Guy?

The R2D2 Translator

Type in any text, hit the button -- and hear your message back in R2D2-speak. You can even download your "translations" for use as a ring tone.

Kinda cute. My kid's gonna love this.

At the same time, you just know some SW nerd out there is gonna call foul and say that the translations are all wrong. Who knows, maybe every time you type in a word to translate -- R2 simply responds to you with computerized obscenities, racial slurs, and yo' mama jokes.

Now you know why they don't serve their kind in here.

The Human Calendar®

I don't know -- It's kinda cute when you first see it, but if you ask me there's no way this stays funny for a month.

Still, neat idea.

Tommy's 12 Days Of Christmas

Tommy’s is a charity organization that exists to save babies’ lives in the UK, where one in four women loses a baby during pregnancy or birth. To help raise awareness and support for this cause, longtime web star Joel Veitch has come up with a flash video to accompany his take on an old holiday classic.

Support a good cause. Hear a funny song. Hasselhoff.

What else do you need to know?

The 10 Craziest Star Wars Tattoos

Jar Jar Binks. On your flesh ..FOREVER.


Be mindful -- one or two of these are NSFW. All are cringe-worthy.

What's Your Grinch Name?

Mine is Nastywhiner Jerkyjeans.

..How this relates to the Grinch is beyond me.

Huzzah.

56 Geeks

Are you one of them (or more)?

Pac-Man Christmas Tree

How cool is this? An fully animated LED christmas tree featuring the original king of consumption, Pac-Man himself.

This is Why I Stopped Going to Indie Shows

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. If you ask me, this one is worth much, much more than that.

Prevent It Canada

Here's a series of commercials, flash games, and Beavis-style animations meant to prevent accidents (and yes, I'm milking material seen at Shut Up! I Hate You!).

My biggest problem with this is the tagline "There really are no accidents." Yes, there are. It's why the word "accident" exists. Control freaks just don't like to admit it.

That said, the Prevent It campaign does not spare you details on the consequences of carelessness. Did you like those movies in Driver's Ed showing what happened to drunk drivers? You'll love this.

Creature Discomforts

This is why Cartoon Brew is on our Permanently Recommended list. Their latest find is Creature Discomforts, a series of PSAs on how the disabled are viewed, styled after Aardman Animation's Creature Comforts.

Les Sans Culottes

The best fake French pop group you will ever see. Plus, hot chicks!

Playing this Wednesday at Southpaw in Park Slope.


Side note: When not heading LSC, lead singer Clermont can be seen at Freddy's in Brooklyn once a month running Big Ham Giveaway Karaoke. The event proves every time that the worse karaoke is, the better it is. Clermont himself does a killer "Mack the Knife." Check it.

The Cats in the Cradle

if it were up to my 7-year old boy, this webpage would have only one post -- the screaming beans. The utter purity of the giggling that comes from his mouth when he crushes the running legume in the middle is a wonder to behold. I'm sure one day he might be able to appreciate some of the other things on the site -- but so far, that's the top.

Or at least it was, until I came across this.

Like most ymtnd pages, the joke wears out pretty fast -- and if you're not a star wars nut there's a chance this one won't even get to you in the first place. But if the laughter and spontaneous re-creations he's been doing for the past two days are any indication, this one's a winner.

ps - to those who wonder if we're ever gonna stop featuring lame Star Wars humor on this site, I offer this brief reply.