Jurassic Park IV, Worse than Rocky Balboa.

In Jurassic Park IV, the dinosaurs will have guns.

That noise you just heard was Michael Crichton, executing the first ever combination scream-in-abject-horror and retch-in-total-disgust.


Hex said...

Guns don't kill people.
Flesh eating dinosaurs with...

Man, this is such a horrible idea it's not even worth finishing the joke.

Hex said...

OK, Take two:

You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Now evidently my cycloptic colleague informs me that that cannot be done. Ah, would you remind me what I pay you people for, honestly? Throw me a bone here! ..So, What do we have?



They're mutated raptors.

Are they ill tempered?


Oh well, that's a start.

..Looks like I've found my entertainment for the day.

Satorical said...

Somewhere along the line, Spielberg had to greenlight this.

Which means that he did not rub off on Michael Bay, but that instead...

Hex said...

..The gun-toting dinosaurs transform into cars.

The Kaiser said...

So how long has it been since an actual original blockbuster-type movie was made? I'm talking something like Star Wars or Close Encounters that's not just a bad conversion from a book or a re-tread of an old idea of a vehicle for an old and well-established character. I mean seriously, how long do we have to suffer through "It's like Jaws, but with Aliens, and Julia Roberts is the Roy Schieder character..." bullshit before someone greenlights a fun summer movie that isn't a steaming pile of shit recycled from a previous pile of shit like a dog eating its own excrement?

Satorical said...

The Incredibles. It was an original story, hilarious, and kicked total ass.

Satorical said...

This is how rumors get started. I think this is where this started:


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