With Sam B., It's a Guarantee

Sample from I Know I Am, But What Are You, by The Daily Show's Samantha Bee: "Are you seriously expecting me to jump off this bridge and restrain an erect dolphin?"

One more, describing the type of call she had to make to 90 year-old patients when she worked at a doctor's office that specialized in ED:

"Hello, Mr. Jacobsen, it's Samantha from the men's clinic."

"HEL-LO?"

"It's SAMANTHA. From the MEN'S CLINIC."

"WHAT IS THIS?"

"SAMANTHA!!!! MEN'S CLINIC."

"WHA-A-AT?"

"CLI-NIC!!!! PENIS CLINIC!!!! YOUR PENIS!!!!"

"APPLE?!"