|From Chevy Chase falling all over himself to this gem from Dana Carvey - the former prez was always one of SNL's prime targets. People are saying a lot of nice things about the guy this week, but if there's anything I think people should remember about Ford, it's that he could always take a joke. |
Trademarks are not verbs.So the next time you come across that picture of the domo-kuns chasing the kitten, make sure they call it what they're supposed to, eh?
CORRECT: The image was enhanced using Adobe® Photoshop® software.
INCORRECT: The image was photoshopped.
Trademarks are not nouns.
CORRECT: The image pokes fun at the Senator.
INCORRECT: The photoshop pokes fun at the Senator.
Actually, they probably have more than one. It ships free, and you get 10% off with a coupon code.
"You are bidding on a tree made of Mountain Dew cans and other hardware accessories. This tree is not just any tree though and the parts are not any parts. The 'Dew Tree' possesses majestic powers that bring joy and happiness to anyone around it. We are proud to have created it."
All I know is that's a buttload of Dew empties.
Can you imagine just how hopped up the dudes
who built this thing must be at any given moment?
I mean come on, it's got a wireless remote -- the possibilities for inter-office or family get-together comedy with this thing are virtually endless!
*sigh* Maybe on Ebay
Most of these ads are pretty cute, but do you really want people thinking that your vehicle was made by Acme?
With so many websites, sketch troupes, and popular television shows around these days, it's easy for a joke to get played out. And that's exactly the feeling I had when I first started to check out yet another clip featuring Santa Claus as a womanizing drug trafficker who secretly hates kids. And for the first couple of moments, my suspicions seemed to hold up.
But there's something about the sequence where Santa is furiously declining MySpace friend requests from smiling little children that broke the ice all around my grinch heart and had me giggling out loud despite myself.
This film comes from the crazies over at Black20, the same people responsible for "The Easter Bunny Hates You" and the recently featured "Public Service Announcement." They have plenty more videos to enjoy, so if you have the chance and some holiday vacation time to burn, you should definitely check them out.
Unfortunatley, as beloved as this little film is, it's having a hard time keeping it's dignity intact here in our modern media-crazed world. Take for example the way cable television networks TNT and TCN mercilessly replay the movie over and over during the holiday season, stripping it of it's cuteness through repitition to the point where even the sight of those cute kids scampering around in snow clothes is enough to make you puke.
Then of course there's the all too true stories about child actor Scotty Schwartz, who co-starrted in the film as the loveable "Flick" (the kid who had to accept the triple dog dare and got his tongue stuck the the flagpole) who would eventually grow up to pursue a career as a porn star.
And if that wasn't enough, the current Wikipedia entry about the movie features a large and rather unexpected photograph of a young couple having sex on the floor at a party (chances are this will be discovered quickly and dissapear -- but trust me, it was there)
Is there nothing about this movie that can survive without scorn?The answer is probably not, but there is one company in San Diego that's doing it's best to try. All season long they've been busy making, advertising and selling the movie's most underrated prop -- the infamous Leg Lamp
Now it's not everyone on your christmas list who's gonna want one of these, but believe me, if you do decide to pony up and get one for someone -- it will be a gift that they will always, always treasure
Until their wife "accidentally" breaks it.
Sometimes when that happens to me I'll find myself staring at the mug and saying "This stuff is going to be the death of me."
I always thought of it as just a saying, but perhaps there's more to it than that -- which is where this handy dandy little doodad comes in. Simply select your favorite energy drink, soda, or coffee style, and then using your body weight it quickly calculates just how many drinks of that type it would take to kill you.
According to the site, 155 cups of coffee would do me in.What it doesn't say is if I have to drink them in a row, or if the effect is cumulative -- which is an important distinction, because if it is:
I'm living on borrowed time.
*Audrey Hepburn declined the lead role in "The Sound of Music"If you're the type who lives for movie geekery, then one site you definitely need to check out is notstarring.com -- an ever-growing compendium of actors and roles that almost connected, but never did.
*Robert De Niro was considered to play Hannibal Lecter
*Sean Connery turned down the role of Gandalf
*Johnny Depp passed on the chance to play Lestat
*The Wachowski Brothers wanted Will Smith to play Neo
*Val Kilmer declined offers to play Neo and Morpheus in "The Matrix"
From well-documented almost castings (Tom Selleck was the original choice to play Indiana Jones) to the little-known plans, obscure ideas, and just plain wacky daydreams of Hollywood's casting directors (Nicholas Cage as Willy Wonka? Nick Nolte as Han Solo? Ashton Kutcher as Superman!?) -- it's all here.
The partridge, unfortunately, required mounting for shipping. Taxidermy. I had to strangle the poor bird with my own two hands. Sometimes small cruelties must be tolerated for the greater holiday good — in this case, pears."
Forget the idea of a toy marketed straight to David Duke in his childhood. Forget the fact that it's a cannon that shot hard plastic ordnance 35 feet. What really dates this 1950s commercial is the brand tagline "Every boy wants a Remco toy. And so do girls."
The latest Swiss Army Knife features 85 devices to make even Batman's utility belt jealous.
It's got a tire gauge, a cigar cutter, a flashlight -- there's even a laser pointer on there!
But worst of all, you just know that as advanced as this thing is, it's still equipped with those useless tweezers and that toothpick-ish thing that always ended up getting lost.
Man, I hated those!
Still, what a prank -- and just in time for Christmas party season too!
$18 may seem like a lot for a movie, but it should keep most cellphone louts out, and you don't have to wear a tux.
"He must be really rich"But none of these offerings give you the explanation that you really want.
"She must be really stupid."
"Girls always go for the jerks"
"Scientology is a hell of a drug"
Unfortunately, this site doesn't help either, instead providing readers with photo captions that feel a lot like sharing a cab with a group of people who are so engrossed in their own conversation they don't have the time to explain it to anyone else.
That being said -- the photos are gold.
An equally unhelpful FAQ page is provided by the siteowner -- offering answers to all of your important douchbag-related inquiries, like this one:
Q: What inspired you to create this site?
A: Your moms...Douchebag
Saw these guys in front of 20 people in Jersey on Saturday night, and they were playing way beyond the room. This single and smart little lo-fi video are the tip of the iceberg. If you get a chance, go see 'em live. Plus, how can you not love a bunch of guys who live for Grease Trucks and video games?
I mean sure, building suspense and creating events that lead viewers up to some huge climactic moment helps to sell tickets -- but everyone knows the feeling of walking out of a theater and thinking, "It would have never happened that way in real life ...what a total crock!"
That's where this site comes in. Check out the archive page to see what you've been wanting all along -- Real endings to some of Hollywood's biggest blockbusters.
Not only do these smart little animations satisfy your desire for closure, but in some instances they can actually save you time and money by ending the need for costly and frequently dissapointing serials
Like these, for example.
If that weren't enough, he hosts a regular radio show for the Fairfield College radio station and is slated to have his sixth cover story for a national magazine published later this month.
Clearly Bernard is a busy guy, but that doesn't keep him from regularly posting opinions, album reviews, interviews with up-and-coming talent, and whatever else strikes his fancy over at his personal website Adam's World.
Whether you're a fan of hip-hop, someone who knows the trials and tribulations that come with a freelance writing career, or just enjoy reading engaging and intelligent obeservations about this crazy world we live in -- you should definitely give this site a look.
"In 1613, a Dutch settlement for trading was established on Lower Manhattan, named New Amsterdam after the glorious capital of Holland (Amsterdam, that is). Just a handful of years later, a Dutchie named Peter Minuit bought the rest of Manhattan. Those were the days all the way until 1664 when some British conquerers conquered the place and baptised it New York.So begins the manifesto of an interesting little revolutionary movement who's goal is to reclaim the Big Apple to its rightful owners and re-re-name it "New Amsterdam." But more than that, these folks want to rescue the city from the mistreatments of its American owners and re-invigorate it with the sort of touches that make the original Amsterdam so great.
Being renamed "New York" after being called "New Amsterdam" can't be anything but a step down the status ladder. Seriously, where's York anyway? Godforsaken British town, compared to the glorious capital of Holland."
Among their suggested improvements for the city:It's amusing at first -- heck, maybe even something worth considering. But then after reading through the site for a while you start to wonder what the real reason behind all this "Amsterdam in America" hoopla might be
* Changing the nickname to "The Big Orange"
* Flooding several major streets to enable canal boat traffic
* Filling Central Park with Tulips
* Replacing all hot dog carts with vendors who sell herring
* Painting all the taxi cabs orange
* Requiring all naked cowboys to wear wooden shoes
..And that's when you discover their plan for all the coffee shops.